The Pain I Recieve

This is about a fight that is happening between an abusive mother and her daughter. This gives some insight on what's going on within the victims mind.

I was shaking profusely.  The pounding on my door became more and more staggering.  It felt as if my mind was going to break at any moment and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.  I took a glance around my room as I was struggling to hold my bookcase against the door.  It was dark and cold, clothes scattered across the floor.  I could hear things breaking behind the door.  "Open the Goddamn door!" my mother screamed. I just closed my eyes and began to pray.  Pleading to God to spare me from my mother's wrath.  "Leave me alone!" I scream with all my might, even though I know it won't work.  I hear her preparing to plow through the door.  I step back and just watch her burst through.  She starts picking up books and throwing them at me.  I did my best to dodge them.  Not once did I try to hit her.  She comes at me with full force and grabs my arm.  I watched as her wedding ring dug into my skin.  I managed to free myself and as I was running away, she rakes her fingernails down my leg.  I flee to the busy street in front of my house.  With so many things happening at once the only thing I was thinking was, "Run!  Never, ever stop running!"  

I make it up to the stop sign and see my mother pulling out of the driveway in her car.  I could barely feel the blood dripping down my leg.  Nor the intense pain of the bruise left on my arm.  My initial instinct was to run until the voices started.  They began to whisper things like, "You deserve this.  You left your dance bag at the studio which is why your mother's so angry.  This is all your fault!  She's not really being abusive.  She's just upset."  I began to cry and slowly turned around. I just watched my mom pull up next to me as if I was paralyzed.   My mom pulled up in distress saying, "Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry.  I love you so much."  Believing the lie I told myself, I hopped in the car with her and headed back home.  She began to guilt trip me into thinking that I owe her more chances.  That she's done so much for me and therefore, I must allow her to treat me this way.  In the end, I accepted her apology.  

So, the cycle begins again.  Every time she hits me I think, "It wasn't that hard."  Whenever she manipulates me, "People have gone through worse." My heart hardens as my soul coils into this black ash.  My trust becomes like a tree with no roots, easily blown down by the slightest opposing wind.  My self-esteem becomes like a boulder crashing into the bottom of a lake.  Making ripples across the surface of the water.  The glass of patience I once had, is now permanently empty.  My relationships come crashing down before my eyes. Occasionally, I'll ask "Why does she hate me so much?" When in reality, she's just narcissistic and hurt in her own way.  One day, I'll escape but not by running away.  By standing up for myself.  By being a better person than she ever was...  

Author's Note

What do you think of the story?

Reviews

[emipoemi]

This has a strong ending, and it shows the protagonist has some hope and resilience to keep on living despite the pain. But it is a bit confusing at the beginning regarding the blocking of the scene. There's not enough description to follow the commotion. First off, it's a bit weird how she's leaning a bookcase against the door and yet her mother still manages to plough through with ease.....must be one strong woman....or one flimsy bookcase - main point is we need more info about this. Secondly, how does she get outside when her mother is blocking the door to what is obviously her bedroom? Where is her bedroom in relation to the front door? How does she get outside so fast without her mother even trying again at lunging at her? The reason for her mother's rage (forgetting the bag at dance class) comes off as humorous than serious, because we have no other details to realize the gravity of the situation: Is her dance class in the next town? If so, why didn't it occur to either of them during the ride home? Simply the fact that she forgot her bag at dance class is a hilarious reason for such a hissy fit, so you need to amp up the severity of the situation in order to make readers understand what your standpoint is on the theme.

Also, you switch back and forth from present to past and that both throws off readers and sounds bad. Stick to one tense. And with thoughts, it's typical to use italics.

This is otherwise a good start. You simply need to give readers more of the picture to see what's going on, and how everyone is feeling.

[Esther]

Thank you so much for this review. For me this piece was more of a rough draft than any thing else and requires some work. Thanks for giving me some tips. :)

[emipoemi]

my pleasure.

[Carthage Thorne| The Wi..]

This story is absolutely heartbreaking, and sad. What happens next? Does she ever escape that awful environment? Does she ever grow or does it end up marring her for life? These are the questions which run through my mind as I read this story. There needs to be more...

[KCthelastboyscout]

Very powerful and insightful.feels like its from personal experience it cuts so deep...

[angel]

I was struck by the similarity to my own experience with a Jehovah's Witness mom fighting me because I didn't want to be one, too.
I, however, ran...all the way to the West coast from the East...3,000 miles.
That ended the fight for me.
My mom died last Friday, so it is over forever, now.
There was some confusion from mixing tenses,but you can fix that.

[Esther]

I'm really sorry that you experienced something similar to this situation. And I hope that you found some sort of peace with your mother in the end. Overall I hope you enjoyed it and I'll be editing this piece soon. :)

[angel]

very much,and no, the relationship only changed ib that the violence was gone.
It was good, if you fix those tenses!~~angel

[Perdition]

The story is great...details are the issues here. Tense being the greatest of all..the tense changes and adds a stumble for the reader. I do like that the reader has to let their mind fall into some parts and think of things that are not obviously there. Giving everything is not always the key but there are things that are necessary and stumbling over tense is not one. All of it is easily fixed and the editing won't take long. Loved the line, "Run! Never, ever stop running!"...that is wonderful. Just details ..little details and not overwhelming.
Read it aloud and then edit and then read it aloud again until you get a sense of what you're trying to give to the reader. The way it ends sounds sorta like she is dead but still a very strong ending and the rest...well I get the sense you know what needs to be done here. Keep writing and keep reading and keep keeping..You'll find it. Most of the problems are in the first paragraph but small ones in the second and third as well. A strong story Mikayla and i enjoyed reading it so thanks for the invite and for this writing..Now go to work...haha. A pleasure to make your acquaintance. Hope it helped.

[Esther]

Thank you so much for the positive review. This was more of a rough draft than anything else and I plan on finishing the editing when I get the chance. Thanks again for the advice. :)

[Perdition]

I figured..it is a wonderful draft and story so look forward to the finished version.You're most welcome the pleasure was mine as well. Now FINISH it!.haha.Good luck~