When I

 

one year ago yesterday i found out i was pregnant,
all i wanted was a little boy
and in three weeks it will be one year from when i found out i was having twins
on september 15 it will be one year since darryl and i got married,
on the 20 of september it will be one year since i found out i was having a boy and a girl
... we were so excited, and scared at the same time,
we were gonna have our little boy, and a added bonus we would have another little girl to add to our family.
there was so much pain but all i wanted was to make sure that both our baby boy and girl were gonna be healthy.
there were so many thoughts going threw our minds.
on the 1st of january yous were born, too early but at the same time we were so excited to meet yous.
yous stayed in the hospital nursery till the 25 of january, i stayed at a friends but i went to see yous every day without fail.
its was so hard for me when yous were in the nursery, i had to ask permision to hold yous and i felt like i couldnt be a mother to yous so when we come home i was so happy, i could be your mother at last.
i loved been mother to twins, it was not what i thought it would be, i had thought it would be hard and scary but it was easy and it felt so natural.
the night when yous would wake up were the best, there were so many things yous would do threw the nights that yous wouldnt do any other time and i would see it all, we started staying up all night watching yous after letisha went blue one night,
and i would watch yous in your sleep to make sure yous were breathing and safe.
on the 13 of april we all went to the bay and saw friends and family and we got home late i gave yous your dinner and your baths and yous were both asleep by the time i got out of the shower. the last time i eveer saw you with your eyes open was then in the shower cause the next morning you were dead.
my beautiful baby boy you just looked like you were sleeping but all the life you had was gone.
and now i only have our beautiful little girl left, you are ment to be there with her,
and people say how do you do it.
some people have even stopped talking to me, i would say they dont no what to say.
everyone looks at me and says you seem to be coping well, and on the outside i am but on the inside im screeming and punching things and yelling and giving up.
i want to get back to been me but how do i do that i am scared to be at home by myself, im scared if i have letisha by myself that she will die, why did this have to happen to me i dont understand why give you to me long enough for me to fall in love with you and your sister only to rip you away from me and leave me broken beyond repair, i carnt be the mother i was to you and letisha, to letisha now and no matter how much i try i carnt do it, i did everything i could think to do and you still died so how can i do it for letisha now i love both of you so much and i miss you so much, but how do it, its not fair.

Author's Note

here is a nother one that my Aunty wrote, but this one has more info about what happened, i hope everyday that everything will get better, but everyday everything get worse, because I know that you will never get to see my babby caz <3

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

Twins have always had a powerful tie that binds. Perhaps the little boy knew his sister needed something extra and gave her the kiss of his life energy? I would think that's what a brother would do for a sister. =)

It's never easy... but we must keep walking on for those that still breath the same air. Those that have moved on into the heavens and into God's arms, are always watch'n us from above. That's what I believe anyhow.

Aaron - Wolfwind