looking for Alibrandi

A Story by Purple Dragon

John Barton

My mask is breaking, I don’t know how much longer I can keep it up. I’m not allowed to be myself, my father expects me to be like him, to enter politics and become the next liberal prime minister. It is such a big responsibility. I don’t think I can do it, in fact I can’t, I can’t be the person that everyone expect me to be. You see it's easy for my father to stand in front of people and say whatever comes to mind, even if it's a lie, or even if it hurt someone. But that's not who I am, and it’s not what I want to become.

Why am I really here? I guess I don't know, but does anyone really know. Is there a reason why I am here? Maybe there is no reason. But does really it matter? Probably not. But I don’t have the drive to try and figure it out anymore.

I've always hated politicians, expressly the rich and famous people my father hangs around with. I would like nothing less than to be one of them. Debating is something that absolutely hate. That's all anyone ever does these days, the debate could be as simple as what close to wear. I want my own life, I don’t want my father’s career path, a life of lying and bickering, I don't want it. Why can't people see that??? Even my school friends, they only know me as someone who is popular, the school Captain of Saint Anthony’s. I don't think that they really know, or if they even care what I think. Only that I'll be rich and famous, just like daddy. The only person who came anywhere close to understand how I feel is Josephine.

I really want to know what Jose sees in that Jacob Coote guy. I don't like the way he speaks to her, or anyone for that matter of fact. It's disgusting. I wish I could see why she likes him. I hope she dumps him, she deserves so much better. But, At least she knows what she wants out of life, unlike me.

You see I don't really know what I want out of life. I do know that I'm never going to be what my father wants me to be, but I'm never going to be anything else either. I've known for a long time that I was going to die, but it just seems like forever. The pressure has been way too difficult. I'm just tired of this heavy burden that is just weighing me down…

I just want to be free. So I'm sorry. I just want to do the right thing by everyone, but everyone wants something different from me. I can't make everyone happy, especially not myself. This is want I must do. I just want to be myself without people judging me. I love my family and friends, expressly Josie, but I can’t keep going on like this. So again am sorry.