Maya

My name is Maya. Im dead. I have been for three years now. Today is January 26^th. Exactly three years ago I was alive I had eaten pancakes and bacon for breakfast that day… my favorite. I hear my mom and my sister Emily. They must be here visiting my grave. They come every January 26^th. They come every holiday and on my birth day too. They were having a picnic. I could smell their bologna sandwiches. “Did we bring the mayo?” Emily asked. I heard some moving around. “It’s right here hun,” Mom replied. Emily had always slapped a bunch of mayo on her bologna sandwiches. “Do you think she can hear us?” Emily asked. “I like to think so,” mom replied. And at that very moment all I wanted was to be able to tell them I could hear them and tell them how much I love them and how much I missed them. “Can I have a moment alone with Maya mom?” It was Emily. I wondered what she was going to say. I heard some moving around for a while. “Maya its been forever since I have seen you. I really wish I could give you one last hug. Are you with dad now?” Emily started to cry. She sat on the dirt where just 6 feet under I lay in my coffin. She traced the words on my tomb stone that read “Maya shay beloved daughter and sister rest in peace”. All of a sudden there was a really bright light. My head hurt so bad the light was so bright. All of a sudden I was standing right in front of Emily. How was this happening? This has never happened to me before. Emily’s eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. “MOM!” she screamed. Mom came running. “hi mum” I said quite and weak. “Maya?” mom said her eyes wide. I ran to Emily and my Mom. Where have you been? How come this hasn’t happened before? Is it because you where angry at us? “no mum” I replied. I don’t know how I did it. it…it just happened. I miss you guys so much. I love you.” I said. it was so hard to talk I was at a loss of words. “have you seen dad yet?” Emily asked. “ No Emy I haven’t seen dad yet. I actually haven’t seen anyone. I don’t even know how I am right here talking to you. You where talking and then all of a sudden there was a light and I had a head ache and now I am here. ” I replied very confused. “How is every body doing?” I asked. “ grams cancer is gone. Bryan is doing a lot better. He is walking and talking again.” Mom said. Bryan was the only other person that was in the wreck. He survived. We had been best  friends since we where 1 years old. He survived the accident. We where on our way to the gas station to get sodas for our families. Bryan survived the accident but he was just injured badly. The last thing I remembered was him trying to get me to talk to him and asking if I was okay. All I can remember is the pain. Not just in one place but every where through out my body. But it wasn’t just physical pain it was also emotional pain. 

Reviews

[Psychotic Lily]

Okay... don't hate me for this... I'm also an amateur story writer but I have some background, well anyway let's start.

Basically the main problems was how you executed the scene and emotion. To be honest it was kind of bland (I guess?). Like why didn't they burst into tears hug each other or just scream and go into denial that there was ghost before their eyes. You need to work on their reactions...

And I notice that the sentences in the first part mostly start with they... there were grammar and spelling mistakes but that could easily be fixed.

Just keep on writing, over time you'll see yourself improve. Story writing is one of the hardest things to write (I even had a lot of problems with my story The Hanging Tree). If you want better advice submit your work to groups, and it's good for the top reviewers read your work like JayG and AUU.

[victoria francis]

I am not done writing this one yet but i am just thinking of what else to write.