The Journey

I feel calm now, like I can sit back and just enjoy this.  Don’t get me wrong, I am petrified incase something goes wrong, but I feel her inside of me, moving, my wife, my family can feel her moving I don’t need a midwife to tell me she’s ok, but the reassurance is always welcomed.

 

I have her picture on my desk, I can see her face, her hands, that nose it’s the cutest thing.

 

Nothing else matters half as much anymore.  Not the idiot at work who tries to stress me out every day, not the rates of interest, not car MOT or the traffic, nothing but the baby.

 

 

I can hear her calling me ‘Mummy’, holding my head high when she does it.  Maybe when we’re in public I’ll ignore her the first time in hope she will repeat herself and more people will hear and know that this is my daughter.  My own daughter.

 

It’s strange, the idea of giving birth, the pain doesn’t scare me in the slightest, maybe I’m not normal, but the idea of holding her for the first time, seeing her face to face brings a tear to my eye and blurs the inevitable labor.  Then there’s the anticipation to watch my wife hold her daughter, to see her study her face, her tiny hands and feet, to cut the umbilical chord to take her home and tuck her in to bed.

 

Oh, to announce the birth of our daughter to the world; to present her to her grandparents and to watch them watch her grow and to see their children being a parent, to experience her meeting her Uncles and Aunts to see their little sister become a mother, to watch our nieces and nephews try to figure her out, asking questions and poking her.

 

There is so much to come.  I’m not disillusioned, I am aware that she will break my heart a million times and that she will make me so angry I want to scream, maybe I will, but it’s what I am here for, it’s why I am here because having her is what I want out of life, giving life and being privileged to watch her grow.  After all, isn’t feeling what life is about and I know that she will make me feel, she already has.

 

I wonder what colour hair she has.