A Letter to Ms Ex

A letter to Ms Ex,

 

I tried so hard to forget about you, yet trying to forget meant that I thought of you still.  When I used to think of you I felt amazing, I’d think about you all the time, but now, when I think if you, I feel embarrassed that I trusted you.  I wonder that all the time that I was loving you, were you loving me back, or just laughing at me.  That’s how it ended, I recall you actually laughing at me while I stood in tears and yet I don’t recall what I did to change things between us.  I feel stupid for looking back, but I hate you because I can’t stop loving the memory of you.  It feels like everything that I gave you, which was pretty much all of me, means nothing to you.

 

Meeting you was a turning point in my life.  I found myself with you as if I was reborn, it was like everything in the past made sense and everything in the future looked so promising.  I gave my heart and soul to you and in doing so I lost myself as quickly as I felt found.

 

They say ‘it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all’, to that I am still not sure.

 

I have loved since you, I am indeed in love now yet even to this day I still feel so much for you, or is it that I feel so much when thinking of you.  To me, the person that I met, the person that I fell in love with is gone, I will never see that person again, not even when you and I meet, in fact I don’t recall the last time that we did meet, of course I recall times we spent blissfully together but those times are in shadow.

 

On those occasions that we do meet now, I can’t see the girl that made me shine.  The problem is, you exist in her place and like anyone who looses someone, I crave just one last time with her.

 

Just writing this letter puts me back there again, in a position where I’m relying on you, again – almost everything in my body says don’t, too much time has passed, but here I am, writing this letter.  Please, don’t be flattered, I don’t want to sleep with you or fall in love with you again and I’m certain that I never could do either of those things again.  No, for my last time with you I would like to know the truth… what was it like for you?

 

Regards

 

Me.