Titleless Chapter 1

Everything seems to be going along perfectly. That is, until she finds out it's not.

There are some kingdoms that have fairy-tale princes that every girl dreams of marrying. Now remember I said some. My kingdom, Gore, has a nice but evil prince, if that makes any sense.

When he comes of age he is destined to marry a girl over the age of 16 from the town of Aspen, a peasant to be exact. I am one of those girls. I’m just a normal 17-year old girl, but I am also very different. I will start my story on this beautiful day where nothing seems able to go wrong and the prince is coming to pick his bride…

 

 All the girls are getting pampered, putting loads of makeup on, and fixing their hair. Me, I’m just sitting in my room waiting for my hair to dry. I am probably the only girl who does not want to marry him; at least that’s what I’ve told everybody.

 My mother picked out my dress; a plain, pretty, white dress that is long and flowing. She wore this dress for her wedding day. I will not put any makeup on, nor do my hair besides a little flower crown in order to be less noticeable.

I’d rather not get my hopes up, because he would never pick me, even if I was as pampered as I could get. I’m just not really the prettiest girl here in Aspen.

My mother is very pretty, but I really don’t think I look at all like her. She has dark olive skin, long black flawless hair, chocolate brown eyes, and is just the right height. I have hair that is thick and brown, it’s curly but almost all frizz; green eyes; and light olive-colored skin. I’m short and thin. All of my friends tease me about looking like a pixie princess, especially with my large green eyes and delicate features.

Secretly, don’t tell anyone, I would really love to be picked to marry the prince, but since I am 1 out of 113 girls, the chances of me getting picked are rather slim. I dare not get myself excited to marry the rumored to be handsome prince.

 The walkway to the plaza where he will meet us is lined with flowers of every color and kind, and the hum of life can be heard. Bees buzzed between flowers along with butterflies, helping to calm my nerves as we walked along in a single file line. The plaza has matching tiles of blue and gold in the shape of a giant blue lily. My name is Lily, after my mother’s favorite flower. In my crown, I wove blue lilies and gold carnations to match the tiles and honor my name.

We all waited in tense silence for Prince Jason to arrive. Soon we heard the sound of horse hooves echoing across the courtyard as the prince approached. I stared down at the tiles intently, even though I was curious to see the prince. After all, my goal was to not be noticed, wasn’t it? Slowly, the hooves got slower and closer before stopping. I listened to Jason dismount and walk down the line.  I was placed at the very end and my nerves had me shaking by the time he made his way to me. He stopped right in front of me and raised a single finger to my chin, gently lifting my head up so he could see my elfish face. I stared into his crystal blue eyes with my wide green eyes for a moment. His eyes then traveled up until they came to rest on my crown of flowers. I probably did look like the pixie princess everyone said I was, just not as pretty.

He brushed his finger lightly over the delicate flowers and whispered, “Blue lilies are my favorite. Did you know that?”

I was so surprised by the sound of his voice; it took me a moment to register what he was saying. His voice sounded strangely musical. I couldn’t seem to make my voice work so I just shook my head mutely. He smiled mysteriously and walked back to his horse. I could almost feel everyone’s eyes on me. I was the only girl he had paused to look at closely, much less talk to so directly.

After he had made his way back to his horse, he announced that he would narrow the line down little by little until there was only one girl left. “If you have a white dress on you are safe,” were his next words and I could hear audible sighs from girls relieved to be safe for the first round.

I was safe. A few girls left, but most of the girls were wearing white dresses. Next, he said, “Those of you with your hair down may stay.” Once again I stayed. Another few girls left, but most of the girls had our hair styled down.

After those requests, he asked for dresses with trains, green eyes,  brown hair, and many others. It all spun by in a blur. Miraculously I had made it to the top fifteen, but would I be the one to go next? I felt eyes look me up and down as some of the other girls surveyed the line of competitors. I was obviously not very big competition because I managed to only get a few dirty looks.

“I would like the girls with curly brown hair to stay,” I heard through my thoughts. Did I qualify? Even with all my frizz? I started to walk away and heard the prince call out to me.

“You there! Wearing blue lilies! Your hair is most definitely curly. Please stay just awhile longer.”

Startled into silence again, I turned around and fell back into my place in the line. Hopefully I could leave soon. The suspense was killing me slowly.

Only five out of the 113 girls were left standing. I was really getting nervous and I started shaking like a leaf. What if I made it to the final two and was turned away? It would be heartbreaking to be so close, yet lose it all. I avoided all thoughts of what if I win completely.

After three more tense requests where only one girl left at each request, it was only Alice and me left standing in the plaza. I really didn’t know Alice very well, but she was a dainty blonde girl who would be a perfect princess. Though, the look she was giving me was murderous. I smiled at her with real warmth. She wrinkled her nose at me and turned away.

I was sure he would pick Alice but after a long pause he said, “The one wearing blue lilies will be my wife.”

I was so surprised, I almost fainted but then I shook myself to “get it together”. It made me happy to know I would be his wife but I also felt sad because Alice hadn’t been chosen. I put my arms out to her and hugged her tight. She had tears in her eyes as she walked away with her shoulders sagging. I watched her go, with mixed feelings of sadness, happiness, and, strangely, dread. This confused me greatly.

When I looked up, Jason was holding out his hand to help me mount his horse. I hesitated and then said, “I want to say goodbye to my mother before I go with you.”

The words really just popped out of my mouth with hardly any thought at all. Was I too bold? I bit my lip in nervous anticipation as he looked thoughtful for a second and then said, “Yes. I suppose it won’t hurt to say goodbye… Would you like to ride or walk?”

My reply was good-natured as I said, “I would rather walk. We can leave on horseback and my home is not far.”

He dismounted from his horse and walked beside me as we walked into town. After just a couple steps into town, he boldly put his hand around mine. I didn’t mind much, even though his hand was cold. Once we arrived at my door, I dropped his hand and threw the door open wide.

I took in every familiar detail of our living room. We had one couch and one armchair that were both worn but clean. The floor was carefully polished wood with a huge rug covering most of it. Overall, it created a warm atmosphere that I had always loved. I snuck a glance at the Prince. This must look so bare and poor to him. After all, he was probably used to mansions and lots of finery.

“Mom,” I yelled. She came around the corner of the hallway from the kitchen and gasped. A look of horror and surprise crossed her face for a split second. Only someone who knew her well would’ve seen it before she composed herself completely and put a smile on her face.

“My! You were chosen? Um, let me get you some tea your highness! Sit down, sit down,” She said as she walked into the kitchen.

I looked at Jason sheepishly as he sat down and watched as he patted the seat next to him. I was moving to sit next to him when my mother called for me to help her in the kitchen. The only weird part about the way she called me was that she avoided using my name. She called me “honey”, an endearment that she never uses.

When I walked into our cozy kitchen, my mother had the tea steeping in hot water but she was still running around the kitchen. She had a small vial in her hand and was throwing ingredients into it. She pointed frantically to a paper on the counter and spoke loudly to me, “Can you help me find the tea? Since you cleaned the kitchen, I can’t seem to find anything.”

I understood what she was doing and didn’t respond, but looked down at the note. I hadn’t cleaned the entire kitchen since… I was fourteen. The note read, “My darling girl… I can’t believe you have been picked to marry the prince… It’s not a good thing, either. I am giving you this potion. Drink it when you think the time is right but only you will be able to see it. You will know when to use it. Trust your heart. Do NOT trust anyone at that castle and don’t tell anyone anything either! Be careful!”

I understood she didn’t want me to say anything about it so after watching her for a couple minutes, I said, “Mother, now that we have the tea steeping, may I go pack a bag? I’ll need a few things.”

She nodded so I popped my head into the living room and said, “Hey, ummm…  Prince Jason? Should I call you Jason? I’m just going to pack a bag of things I’ll need, okay?”

He stood up and said, “Yes, is it all right if I watch?” He looked a bit uncomfortable and went on. “I mean, you won’t need any clothing and I could tell you what you should and shouldn’t take because it will be provided for you at the castle.”

I nodded shyly and walked into my room. Three of the four walls were covered in bookshelves except for my thin bed interrupting one bookshelf. The fourth wall was taken up by a closet door covered in drawings, a beat up dresser made of a dark mahogany wood, and a black dressing screen covered in red and white flowers. I took a deep breath, breathing in the smell of books and caramel.

Trying to save the smell and look of my room as I went to my bed and got my leather book bag I had gotten when I was… I don’t remember how old, I scanned the room for possible things to pack. I guess I’ve had that book bag for as long as I can remember. The strap was worn soft from its constant use but it was still sturdy and could hold all my favorite possessions. I closed my eyes and spun to the next bookshelf, feeling for the familiar spine of my favorite book. It was titled Life as We Knew It. I turned on a dime with it in my hands and my eyes still closed, savoring the familiarity of it all.

My eyes opened and I was startled to see Jason was standing in front of me, not two inches away. I had forgotten he was there, caught up in my own world as I looked for my book. My books were my treasures in this world and for me to only be able to take one, was heartbreaking but I needed the room in my bag for other things.

He was staring at me intently and I realized just how close he had gotten. It made me nervous, more nervous than I should be with my future husband. My breath caught in my throat. I could feel my heartbeat speed up like a scared animal. He leaned toward me and closed the space between our faces as his lips met mine. It was my first kiss and I was stunned. For a couple seconds that felt like an eternity, I just stood there and let him kiss me. After recovering from the initial shock, I stepped back to break our unexpected kiss. What was he thinking?! I barely knew him!

“Well, um… I n-need to get a f-few more books and… things,” I stammered.

It looked like he wanted to kiss me again so I made a quick excuse, “Why don’t I change into my regular dress so I don’t have to go horseback riding in my mother’s wedding dress…” It came out as more of a statement than a question.

He seemed to get the hint and stepped back while saying, “I’m sorry. I’ve made you uncomfortable, haven’t I? You just looked so… happy while you were searching for your book… I wanted to share in the happiness. Oh, and please don’t change. You look so pretty in that dress, plus we can take off the train and you won’t get a speck of dirt on it.”

I blushed and turned around to gather some other books, trying to look nonchalant. “Will someone come to get the rest of my books? I’d really love to have them there… Oh, wait. No, my mother can have these. Never mind! Is it alright if we take my violin,” I asked, babbling. So much for being nonchalant.

He took a moment and said, “We have a wide range of books in the castle. There are rooms and rooms of them! You may bring your violin if you’d like.”

I felt under my bed and pulled out another, larger leather bag that held my violin and bow, plus all my music books. This was my other treasure. I packed a few more objects that I’d want and decided to leave the rest of my things here. My mother would find good use with them and save everything else for me when I came back. I even fit a few handkerchiefs inside, remembering the vial my mother was to give me.

“All packed,” I said, turning around to see that Jason was no longer in the room. Before I could second guess myself, I grabbed my virtually illegal training outfit with its skin tight leather pants, a white blouse, a matching leather vest, and my boots. Along with the outfit came a black-hilt dagger that was wicked sharp and in a boot holster. I had a feeling I would be glad to have it.

I felt cold all of a sudden and ran out to the kitchen, thinking only of my mother. I had been ignoring it, but with nothing else to distract me, I realized it was all too quiet in my house. Where had Jason gone to so silently?

As I burst into the kitchen, it only took me a moment to scan and see my mother was not there. The note was gone, probably burned in the fire and there was no sign of the ingredients she had been using for the vial. The kitchen was spotless. Even the pot of tea was gone! The kitchen looked perfect… too perfect. 

Author's Note

Let me know what you think of this first chapter :)

Reviews

[MoonlitAngel]

I review as I read so I'm going to give you my first basic impression: Who is the audience? Are you targeting young adults/adults? If you are, you've already started badly. You start off the story by having the protagonist talk to the audience. If you want a more sophisticated book, you should think about having dialogue between two characters explaining what the first paragraph explains.

Numbers between one and one hundred need to be written on in words. So instead of putting 16, you should put sixteen, so on and so forth.

Again, I’ve noticed that you’re talking to the audience. By doing this, you’re not allowing any room to really describe what’s going on. Is she watching the other girls get pampered enviously? Is she really good at keeping her face blank so no one knows her true thoughts? Where are they? Are they in a room that could hold 113 girls? Or is it split up? Why are all the girls doing this, what do they hope to gain (besides the obvious “marry prince charming” aspect)?

“Another few girls left, but most of the girls had our hair styled down.” You will need to change “our” to “their”.

You have the line: “After those requests, he asked for dresses with trains, green eyes, brown hair, and many others.” And then when you get down to the last two girls, Lily and Alice, you describe Alice as a “dainty blonde girl”, when you had already said above that girls with brown hair are allowed to stay. Therefore, Alice should have brown hair, not blonde.

This book holds some potential, but you should think about making it sound more mature. Try and increase your vocabulary. I enjoy the mystery plot you put at the end. Keep going, this could turn into something pretty awesome in the future.

[WriterN]

Love the ending. cant wait for the next chapter

[light-2-dark-angel]

Definitely interesting. Captures the mind. Makes me forget that I was reading a story and makes it seem like I was there.