Shattered Walls

"How are you feeling, Lee?" the counselor asks me, giving me that look. You know the one. Doubtful, knowing that I was about to lie. She knew I was a hopeless b*****d.
"Fantastic." I wasn't lying that time. Especially not with a day like tomorrow coming up. My finger kept twitching in excitement every time I thought of it; a fucked up orgasm.
"That's wonderful," she said. Don't lie to me, smartass. "How's your life at home?"
"You mean my foster home? The one I am currently in? Because of my dad's death. You know, my dad? Being dead? Making me an orphan." I chuckle softly. "You know the answer. It's s**t. But still, I'm fantastic." As always, she flinches at my colorful language choice, making me grin even wider. Thank god this was the last day I'll ever have to talk with Ms. Whatsherface. Wait, don't thank god. Thank my cleverness.
"Well, that's good." She loves to look the other way.
"Can I go?" I ask, suddenly eager to leave. So I can plan.
She sighs. Once again, the progress made in her stuffy office is zilch. Like it always is.
++++++
I ignore my foster parent's smiles as I slam myself in the guest bedroom. They insist that it's my own bedroom, to make myself at home. This isn't home. I won't be here very long.
"Are you doing your homework?" My foster mom asks.
"F**k off!" I sing-song. She does.
I'm a good kid.
Correction: I was a good kid.
My dad used to take me out and play basketball.
Epilogue to those days: My dad got mugged.
What the papers say: He's still missing.
The truth: He's dead.
My mother somehow killed herself in jail; don't even ask. I was four, and they didn't exactly give me details.
Yeah, it's nothing special. I'm serious. Tons of sixteen year olds are orphans and have no friends. Constantly bullied at school. Gotten their arm broken. Black eyes.
Hey, at least I'm not a drug addict!

The Plan Is Perfect.

It really is.
It's been formulating in my mind for quite a while now.
Gives me goosebumps to think about it.
Good ones.
Makes me sigh,
happily.

The list is still scrawled on my notebook.

1. The Principal (An obvious choice.)
2. Keith (Bully #1)
3. Jason (Bully #2)
4. The Counselor (she wasn't a very good one)
5. Neil (I won't tell what he did. You can assume anything you want. I'm not telling.)

Of course, anyone might make the list. Who knows what will happen that day?
If I could, I would add the guys who murdered my dad, and my mom. But they're either dead or unknown. Oh, well.
+++++

The Day

  I never thought this day would come.
  I basically leaped out of bed, grabbed my backpack, patted it twice, and ran into the kitchen to grab my lunch. Foster mom was there, smiling at my eagerness.
  "Excited for school?" she asks.
  "You bet!" I say, and hug her before running out to the bus.
   3 out of 5 on my list are on it.
   Keith and Jason trip me on the way down the aisle. I flip them off, not even caring if they did s**t about it. Who cared? Nothing was going to rain on my parade today.
  Neil just grinned creepily at me. I flipped him off, too.
+++++
  Something happened, around fourth period.
  The happiness sank away.
  My hands shook like crazy, my stomach dropping about a full foot.
  I don't know why.
  All I did now was:
  I was not going to do this.

  That's when something weird happened.
  A huge jerk in my brain, a mental slap.
  Suddenly, I wasn't in control of my body.
  Something else was. Sure, I could feel everything. I was still in my body.
  But there was a wall.

  A wall.
That's how I could've explained it.
It was all mental.
But it resisted me like glass.
Separating me.
I have a theory.
My brain split off into two parts:
Sane, and Insane.
The sane was pounding against that wall,
begging to get out.
To save the day.
Insane laughed.
And said simply,
"No."

The sane part of my resisted the wall.
He kept hitting and smashing it, hoping to get through.
It was no use.
I just had to watch.
Watch me.
It followed out the plan flawlessly.
Cradled my father's old gun in my hand as I went to the cafeteria.
No, not me.
It.
It was the one who opened the doors to the cafeteria.
While I was inside it, screaming and trying to take over the body.
The insane was stronger though, having grown over the years.
It held up the gun, and everyone froze.
Then scurried.
I was still in there, trying to stop myself.
Please, don't do this! I told it.
I have to, it whispered back.
Bang.
#2 on my list dead.
It found the death extremely satisfying.
I found it horrifying. Was this what I had wanted?
Yes.
I was still trying to take over.
Anything.
Everything.
Please, please...
Just get outside that damn barrier.
I screamed in frustration, mentally beating against the wall with a passion I didn't know I had.
The insane was still aiming.
I needed a damn distraction.
"Lee!" A girl yelled. I remember her. Laura. She was my english  partner or something.
Both me and the insane ignored her. But she persisted. "LEE! Don't do this. You were never that person."
Whatever she meant by that, she was giving me more time.
The insane paused for a second.
"You never knew me."
BANG.
Laura, dead.
I tried a different tactic.
"Dad, I miss you. I love you. Please, Dad..." I whisper. I build up all of the memory of him, and all of the force I have ever had with anything in my life.
Then I push my whole body against the wall, flinging it.
It disappears.
I have control.
I feel the gun, steady in my hands.
The insane is fighting back though, and it quickly gains control again.
"NO," I scream.
The insane raises the gun, and
BANG.
#5 on my list, dead.
He didn't even run.
I'm still fighting, though.
Think. You'll only have the control for a second. Not even enough time to drop the gun, the insane could just get it again.
But.
BANG.
#1 on my list, dead.
Come on, just one last push.
I fling myself to the wall again, wishing.
The glass is gone again.
I don't have much time.
"Not me," I whisper, and raise the gun to my head.
Bang.

The wall is gone.
I'm gone.
Shattered.

Author's Note

I seriously considered making this Mature.
But whenever I do that, people say,"Why'd you make it mature?"
I'll let you decide.
But...I'd really like some opinions on this.

Reviews

[Rachel Renee]

Oh wow,
I really like this.
It's intriguing.
I can't pick what I like most about it though... maybe it just appeals to my inner insanity, I'm not sure.
Either way, brilliantly written. The imagery you used with the barrier between the character and their body (I'm not entirely sure if it's a girl or a boy) was very strong.

[Song]

Yay !! Another one of your crazy a*s stories ;) made me think of the killings in that high school... somewhere in California.

Sooo this is what happens when bullying and depression gets out of hand. Are you okay? You've been writing about these kinds of things a lot lately. Message me if you aren't !!

I think this was very well written (like all your stories) and ... well. yeah. >

[Bella-Marie]

Oh... my... goodness.
This was INTENSE. And amazing! And... wow. I am pretty horrified that you could write something like this in such a beautiful way... horrified and impressed! You are a remarkable writer! Story made my heart pound...