Platform 666

    Subway. Sitting there, watching the tunnels whip past. At this hour, the only other people on this train were either asleep or too absorbed in their lives to notice me. I bring  my legs up to my chest, hugging them softly. When the subway jerks to a stop, everyone except me shuffles out. The door closes, and the subway comes in motion again until it reaches the end of the line. I take a step out onto the platform. And I see him.
    "I've missed you standing," I whisper, looking at him. Tears filled my eyes.
    He ran up to me, enclosing my body in his arms.
    "Oh, Victoria. I've missed your warmth," he says.  I feel his cold breath in my hair. A small shiver runs through my veins.
     "I don't like this," I say, pulling away from him. I instantly regret in once I see the hurt in his eyes.
     "So you can't love me now that I'm dead," he says. I flinch at his bluntness. Because it's true. Every word.
     "Of course not," I lie.
     "Well, why can't you look in my eyes?" he asks. I slowly c**k my head up, and bite my lip, trying not to scream. His eyes don't have pupils. Or an iris, for that matter. Just white. Two holes of endless white. I gulp away my terror and give him a huge smile.
     "You look fantastic, Darren," I say.
     "Yeah, right. Your just saying that."
     "No, it's true! Death looks great on you."
      He gives me a large smile, which had his rotting and bony teeth sticking out in every direction. I check my watch.
      "S**t. Darren, I have to go. I'll be back next week, I promise." I make a pretend cross on my heart over my hoodie, and run back on the subway. The bell dings, and the subway starts up again, chugging back to the living.

       Every Friday. I take the 11 o'clock subway. It goes from near my house to the edge of New York City.To Platform 666.  There, is the place where you can visit the dead. Some people are there with me whenever I see Darren, off to see their own loved ones. That was the first time I did it. Now, I go every week. Every week he looks even worse.

       This Friday, when I see him standing there, I don't run to him. All I remember is the car crash. Our date, eating eachother's icecream cones, him crossing the street, and then him gone. I approach him slowly.
       "I brought icecream," I say, handing him his cone.
       "Thanks."
       "Darren, I-"
       "I have to go on."
        I stare at my feet.
        "Yes," I say. He kisses me softly on my head.
        "So this is it," he says.
        The warning bell dings, indicating that everyone must go back.
         "Goodbye, Darren."
         "Goodbye, Victoria."

          I step onto the subway. And as the final bell dings, and the doors close, I take one last look at my dead boyfriend. I make a cross over my heart, promising I'll never forget him.
    

Reviews

[roarke]

reminds me a bit of the interaction in Werewolf of London when the corpse of his dead friend comes back to have heart to heart talks with the MC about is impending transformation.

this part where it's introduced I think needs a continuity clarification.
"This Friday, when I see him standing there, I don't run to him. All I remember is the car crash. Our date, eating eachother's icecream cones, him crossing the street, and then him gone. I approach him slowly. "

the numbers 666 usually refer to "the beast" as opposed to just death. Was there something demonic about Darren? Is there an ominous undertone not revealed?

It's a catchy read, your writing voice as always shines through, save for a later rewrite or expansion.

[Can't bring myself to d..]

a very well written short story. you did this perfectly. it was short but with enough meat to really satisfy the reader! i like your writting style and the way you went about telling of their past together. and how you made this Platform 666 seem so normal to Victoria was almost chilling in a way. nice work!

[Yours Truly]

Very creative. It may symbolize letting go of your dead loved ones?
At least that's what I took from it.

[All From A Pen]

I really enjoyed this, it was very creative, and I didn't know what to expect while reading it. Great.

[Bella-Marie]

Weird, confusing and a bit disgusting! But I enjoyed the imagination behind this. Good job.