Train Tracks

A haunting story, that you might not want to read.

       There was a dark feeling settling in the air when I arrived at the train station. I glanced at my watch again, 11:02. Any minute now.. There was only one other family here. A middle-aged couple holding hands with a little girl around six in a pink dress and cowboy shoes. Me, I was alone. No one to whisper with, no one to hold hands with. Terribly pathetic, and yet, there it is. I checked my watch again. 11:05.


              That is the exact moment in which a horrendously unspeakable thing happened.




         The little girl tugged out of her parents' hands. She went past the yellow line, to wave at the train.
          "Hello! Hi train!" She called out.
          "Lynn! No!" The woman called out, rushing towards her daughter. The little girl ran along side the edge. Then she lost her footing. I watched in horror as her face changed, plummeting towards the tracks. The girl, Lynn, screeched. She hit the metal in the tracks, blood rushing down her cheek. I ran over, faster than her mother, and jumped down next to the girl.
      I could hear the roar of the train whistle, and the vibrations in the tracks. I tugged lightly on Lynn's arm, but she wouldn't budge. I saw that her foot was twisted up in the bars. I desperately untangled it. I pulled her out of the grasp, and threw her over my shoulder. she felt limp and lifeless. But I could feel her chest going up, and down. I sighed with relief. I lifted her up to her mother's waiting arms.



              I didn't see the train coming.



      The lights blinded me, a flsh of light. And then darkness.



                         I was dead.




              I had given up my pathetic life to save a little girl.
    Who would grow up to do great things, because of me. I saved a life.



           But I didn't think of that.


             All I could see was a light. It wasn't the blinding light of the train. It was a different, warm, glow.


                And I walked toward it.


               
 


           
       

     
     

Author's Note

*shiver* Oh, my. Did I just write that? I think i did. And I love it.

Reviews

[Bella-Marie]

RainDancer, I only saw one problem, and that was a typo somewhere in there. Everything else was sugar-plum sweet! LOVE IT AND I THINK YOU NEED TO WRITE MORE OFTEN PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!
Bells

[R]

Oh, you want criticism. Sorry! Okay, i think you could make this better by talking about why the person was at the train station, and maybe at the end you could say why he/she saved her. Why was the young girl's life more important than his/hers? I know you wrote "Who would grow up and do great things, because of me." but, I think you need a little more explanation than that. Also, maybe you could write more description in the beginning, along the lines of, "It was pitch black outside and the cold air felt soft on my skin. The whole train station was deserted except for a small family huddled on a bench, squeezing in tight. I wondered where they could possible going to at this late of an hour, but surely they wouldn't go where I would go. That would be too dangerous." or something like that. I know that someone like you wouldn't just copy that down, you want to actually own your writing. So, there's really no point in telling you not to copy those words exactly. Oh and I think you should describe your character's life as something a little more than pathetic, like incredibly boring. But, I'm sure you know what to do, I'm just the critique, after all.

[R]

Wow, that's really good! I could feel all the emotions! It was a little scary, but surprisingly it was a good ending. I really love the way you wrote it, awesome talent :D!