Chapter 2: A Group of Crows

Rose goes through the portal and learns that she's "accepted" Short chapter, sorry.

         I tumbled out, screaming. I landed with a thud on the ground. I rubbed my head and looked around. It was dark, but I could see the outlines of furniture. Where am I? Suddenly, another person landed right on top of me. She was heavy. "Ow..." I whispered. I heard her curse under her breath. She shuffled off of me then flicked the lights on. It was Melody.

    "Yeah, sorry about that Rose. Thorn hasn't prefected her portals yet. She will though." she said. Thorn was in the corner, and gave an apologetic smile.

    "Well, let's get started." Midnight said, sitting on one of the couches. Melody nodded, and got a candle out of an old cupboard. She placed it on the coffe table, which was in the center of three couches, all facing the table. She quickly lit it.

     "Thorn, get the lights, will you?" she asked. Thorn nodded and snapped her fingers, and the lights went out. Only the flame was on. Melody cleared her throat.

    "Rose. You are a girl of fourteen, correct?" she asked. I nodded, unsure where this was leading to. "Well, then," she continued. "You are able to join Moonlight Murder." she said. I gasped.

    "Murder?" I whispered. I saw Thorn playfully elbow Midnight.

    "I told you everyone would assume that!" she stage whispered. Midnight laughed. Melody shushed her.

    "Murder. As in a group of crows." she said. I stared at her blankly. "Well, when we were thinking up of names, Midnight was looking up information on ravens. Well, she stumbled upon a interesting fact. A group of crows is called a murder. And we're kinda like crows. We're outcasts too. So, since we only do our buissness at night, we decided to name our group Moonlight Murder." she explained. 

    "That's a great name." I said.

    "Thanks." she smiled. Then her face turned dead serious. "Rose, you can join our group. Moonlight Murder is an elite group of supernatural girls. You are supernatural." she said. "We fight evil, but subtly. Nobody knows of our exsistence, so you can go about your life being unnoticed." I nodded eagerly. She held up one finger. "Wait, theres more. You can never fall in love."

    "What? Why?" I asked. It seemed like an odd rule.

    "Because it's dangerous. If you fall in love, you might give out your identity, your secret. Everything." she said.

    "Oh..." I whispered. Melody nodded.

    "You have twenty four hours to decide. We will come for you when your time is up." she said. Then Thorn snapped her fingers, and Rose was shooting down another portal.

Author's Note

Review or I kill you!

Reviews

[Thorn]

Nooo! Don't kill me! :O

You spelled "business" and "existence" wrong, and missed out the apostrophe in "there's".
But I like the concept of this story. I think, with some work, it could turn out pretty good!

I do mostly agree with Maeve. However, I think that beginning the story when Rose becomes a fairy was a good idea.

[Maeve]

This seems like it could really turn into something unique, but I think you need to invest more time into your characters. All we know is that Rose is fourteen, recently turned faerie, and doesn't like it... sorta. I feel as if you should introduce her before the change, make us like her character, and then turn her faerie. Everything just seems to move a bit too fast, like you're rushing through each paragraph to make it to the next, and, believe me, I understand the need to just get everything in your head down, but from that add more description more scenes. This is a first person story, shouldn't we be reading what Rose is thinking, her struggle with adapting, her hate or love of NY, the places she goes, her cousin's quirks, the look of her cousins apartment. My suggestions are ultimately, develop your characters more and describe, describe, describe!