Crush

his smile is a wave passing over my body,
and when it breaks,
my world erupts in light.
maybe i want to live in his eyes because
childishly,
i still fantasise about
living in a world of chocolate,
world of all sweet, no bitter,
just like him, all sweet, no bitter.

maybe i've stopped putting so much
milk in my coffee
because i want to lose weight and
look good for him.
maybe it's because creamy coffee
doesn't look like his eyes anymore,
eyes so perfect i would drown myself in them.

i've always had that thought,
how it would feel to drown myself,
to lose myself.
to do so, in him,
feels like a gain, not a loss.

maybe i have a crush
on the cute boy sitting
under a tree in the square
who kissed me beside the river
whose lips felt like crushed velvet,
who laughed at my sunburnt legs
and it sounded like
hearing music for the first time in my life.

maybe i have a crush,
but look at him, how could i resist
his quiet half laugh and crinkly eyes
and the too-kissable tip of his nose
that's just a little bit crooked.
he's perfect, but not obnoxiously so.

i can't get over this cute boy's smile.
i want to hear him rant about physics and skies i've never seen, and his dog.
i want him to take me into a forest
and point out the different kinds of trees
and bite my lip while his body presses mine
flush against a tall ash.

i wonder what his favourite colour is.
i feel like i'm a compass, and he is north
and part of me will always point towards him,
the way knees do when you like someone.
how do you even bring that up in conversation?
how do i casually tell this cute boy
that his kiss left a film of stardust and
new hope on my lips,
that watching him eat €1 burgers at 1:36am
was more entertaining than my favourite movie,
that he is electric, a storm,
and i want to know how he takes his tea
and what his comfort food is
so i can make it for us while we watch
stupid movies and stay up too f*****g late,
our hearts drunk on each other's beauty.

how can i bring that up to the cute boy
that i just about
maybe
have
a little crush
on?