Never, But Always

Okay, I know its bad, but do you have any constructive criticism you could give me? Thanks!

Never protected, but always protecting

The pain in my heart was collecting

 

Never reassured, but always reassuring

Extreme pain my heart was enduring

 

Never held, but always holding

Around you my heart was molding

 

Never adored, but always adoring

The pain in my heart was quickly storing

 

 

I loved you, but you loved me naught

With you, came the agony you brought

It was your love that I truly sought

And it was in your charm that I was caught

 

Reviews

[Deder Bonner]

Actually, it's not "bad" at all. The greatest strength of your poem is its simplicity. The first line of each stanza did a great job in presenting the contrast of the two concepts: protecting but not protected, etc., and that's really what drew me into the poem to want to keep reading. Good job!

The rhyme scheme aided the flow of the poetry, as well, but it would seem to me like you had an idea for a poem, and then wrote it with all the focus on the ending rhymes. That can sometimes sacrifice your focus on other things such as imagery or creative formatting.

I like your poem; it speaks of experiences that I know all too well. The only thing that I am absolutely convinced MUST be changed is your title. That is the very first thing that readers will see; the more readers you can draw in, the more potential reviewers you may have. Come up with something and put it in your title box.

Good luck in your writing!

Diedre