Chapter 3: Tim Carter

I’m gay.

I can say it now.

There was a time that I couldn’t even think those words.

 

I came out to Alex.

He was my best friend.

He had been for 5 years.

And I hid it from him for 5 years.

Then one day I told him.

But what I didn’t tell him was that I loved him.

I always had.

 

But I didn’t say it.

It could have ruined our friendship.

Lucky for me,

He was supportive.

He said he understood.

 

What did that mean?

I was afraid to ask.

 

Life went on.

It was okay.

Until Alex got a girlfriend.

Jamie.

I hated her.

 

She had him.

I didn’t.

 

He would blow me off to be with her.

I would see them holding hands in the halls at school.

 

I wish that was me instead of her.
But I knew it would never happen.

 

She came to me one day.

Flat out told me that Alex didn’t want to be friends with me anymore.

Said that he didn’t want to be seen hanging around a f****t.

 

It felt like she just ripped my heart out.

I wonder if she brought it back to Alex as a trophy.

 

I ran home that day.

The tears kept coming and coming.

They wouldn’t stop

One day I just couldn’t take it anymore.

I couldn’t bear to see them together for another second.

 

I went to the bridge.

Left a letter on my bed at home.

It was for Alex.

 

I didn’t realize how high above the water I was.

Until I looked down.

 

But I didn’t care.

I can’t stay here any longer.

 

I can’t be alone any longer.

 

With tearstained cheeks,

Trembling legs,

Heart beat racing.

I jumped.