Oppression, You, Me and Her Friend the Lesbian

I wrote this in early 2002. It's a true story (well, as true as I can remember it. I'm sure there's some mental degradation going on. But the premise is solid. I currently live in San Francisco, so the whole homosexual subject is pretty much a 'non-issue;

In this incredible day and age, ask yourself this: Where do the most intense philosophical debates originate?

• Classrooms?
• Lectures?
• Parole Board Hearings?

Nope!

 

The most intense philosophical debates occur in back-alley pubs, with at least two people starting on their 3rd pitcher of Bud Lite (or Amstel Lite. Whatever twists your n****e). Why? Because that's right about the time when all the personality roadblocks we've spent a lifetime developing suddenly disappear. All those things you've created to make yourself appealing to the rest of society mysteriously disappear and the 'real you' starts to shine through.

 

Recently, I had the rare opportunity to spend some time with a good friend.

 

Although we frequently call each other for chit-chat, our get-togethers always occur when one of us has a crisis of some-kind. In this case, it was Tanya (of course, not her real name). Just the day before, her best friend and roommate, came out of the closet and told her she was a lesbian.

 

Now, being the proud owner of two (Count 'Em: Two) lesbian friends, I started to smile and congratulate Tanya. But I quickly caught myself. I realized that she and myself were in very difference places.

 

You see, for those who don't know, guys treat Lesbians (and for that matter, bisexual female friends) as valuable commodities we own (like vintage cars and stereo equipment).

 

YES, It's horrible!

 

YES, it's sick and demeaning!

 

But YES, it's true! Forgive us. We're just wired that way.

 

Wait... I'm getting off track. Trust me , this is going somewhere.

 

So Tanya's sitting there, trying to drown her guilt in a mug of lite suds.

 

"When she told me, I just stood there and looked spooked." She said. "What the hell was I suppose to say? All I could think about were all the times we were naked together. Trying on clothes and underwear and stuff."

 

And then suddenly, that became the only thing I could think about.

 

Trying to keep a huge smile from stretching on my face, I wanted to rationalize the situation.

 

"Well, has she tried to put any moves on you?"

 

"No."

 

"Do you think she's attracted to you?"

 

"I don't think so. She said she didn't' think of me that way."

 

I took a swig of beer, hiding my grin behind the mug. "Then, what's the different? She's the same person she was last week."

 

"I don't know. It just is." She shook her head. "I just don't understand, you know? How can she be that way? I mean, she's normal, you know?"

 

Uh oh! Somebody just said something stupid!

 

You know what that means?

 

That's right! It's time to f*** with her head!!

 

I took a deep breath. "You know, you ought to be ashamed of yourself."

 

"What?"

 

"You just transformed the person you've known for almost 8 years into a cliché."

 

"That's not what I meant."

 

"But it's what you said!" this is fun! "This is a person who's stood by you through the crappiest times, and now you're freaked out 'cause you think she's gonna sneak into your room late at night and put her gay hands all over you!"

 

"Wait a minute..." she started to get pissed.

 

"Or maybe you'd end up taking a shower after her and get her 'Gay-Juice' all over you!"

 

"That's not f***ing fair!" she yelled.

 

I started to laugh. "Then what's the problem?"

 

She sighed. "I don't know. She's just.... different now."

 

I smiled and leaned back in my chair, to show my warped, disillusioned superiority. "Exactly!"

 

So what was the moral of this little story?

 

Hell if I know.... I'm sure there was something I was trying to say, but lesbian talk always throws me off.

 

I'm just fascinated by how we treat those who are different. Whether you want to believe it or not, we do have a social 'class system' in place. Some people have more advantages over others, determined by race, gender, sexual preference, and most notably, wealth.

 

If you're a Caucasian male with a big bank account... congratulations.

 

If you're a poor Black lesbian female... my condolences.

 

Tanya freaked out over her best friend's sexuality. This was something that didn't effect Tanya directly. Whatever her friend did behind closed doors (with a man or a woman) was out of her jurisdiction. But the fact that she was 'different' from her, really made her uncomfortable.

 

I feel sorry for homosexuals in this day and age. They've inherited the position of 'key minority' from us Black-folks. You could actually swap out homo, f*g, and queer, with n****r, coon, and porch-monkey and we'd be right back in the good ole' 1950's.

 

So what do I think?

 

Humanity doesn't exist. It's a concept we created; something for us to forever aspire to, but never achieve. Recognizing differences in others is natural. It's part of what we are: animals. What's suppose to separate us from other animals is our big fat brains, which (in theory) gives us the ability to embrace, or for a better word, tolerate differences in others.

 

But we're nowhere near there.

 

Being born Black in America, I've had the fun of experiencing discrimination on many levels. From old white ladies clutching their purses on the street (believe me, it's not just a cliché!), to Vietnamese store owners following me around the 'Quickie Mart', to L.A.P.D. stopping me for random searches and telling me to 'keep your monkey-a*s quiet, or I'll put you in the cage."

 

I wonder what the next 10 years will bring? They'll always be differences for us to discriminate against. Will homosexuals still own the top spot? Or will we be changing our focus toward hair color, penus/breast size, or better yet: freckles. We've already done skin color to death.

 

But hey, you have to love the classics!

Reviews

[Dawn Jones]

This was wonderful. You bring up a lot of good questions. What will the next ten years bring? I think Gays will still rank pretty high on the hate list unless America pulls a Rome and falls flat on its face in the next four years... then maybe we will go back to hating skin tone and ignoring sexual orientation. Neither of which I am happy with. I might be a middle class white woman but it doesn't make me better then anyone else in the world. My skin tone means nothing. My social status, though not large, is only helpful when helping others. What little I make I give away and all of my free time is spent volenteering.
Maybe I am an exception to your rule of achieving humanity... or maybe I am still just reaching for something unobtainable. At least I am trying.
Makes me sad to see so many just walk away when they could be helping too.
Such selfish animals we humans be.

[Satchmo's Gal]

that was really really good. I love your rational thought and humor on this. Thanks!

[A LaDy NaMeD D]

lol i don't know why, but this kind of made me laugh. Not in that, "this is horrible" kind of way but in the, "this is very true." kind of way. The way some people work is like, when they find out something about someone that makes them not normal (which to me doesn't even exsist.), they start to treat them differently. It's in human nature to me prejudice about something, one group of people who aren't like everyone else will always be looked down upon it's the way of life unfortunatly, i mean, first it was religious differences, skin color, political differences, now it's homosexuality, the way people dress...etc etc. Noone realizes that all we're doing is going in a big circle.

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

Well written as if you were holding a one sided converstaion. You mad some valid points and espressed them in a clear, thought provoking manner. Nice job.