Do you Still love me?

If you asked me ten years ago if Rose still loved me, I would say you are out of your mind. “What are you talking about?” About a year ago, I asked myself. “Will she still love me?” She had caught me with another woman. It all began out when Rose visited her best friend back east for two weeks. 

Normally, Rose and I spent a quiet evening at home or went to a coffee shop near our house to hang out and relax. Well that night I decided to come out for several hours, before calling a night. I was in the middle reading a book, when I heard a familiar voice say. “Hi there, where’s your lady?” 

I looked up and saw Shannon standing in front of me. Shannon and her husband hang out there regularly.  “Hi Shannon, she is in New York visiting her girlfriend for two weeks.” I then look for Mike, who is Shannon’s husband. “What about your man?”

“You know Mike; he is always on the business trip. Do you mind if I join you here?”

“Sure.” I then pull the chair from another table over for her. For the next few hours Shannon and I were enjoying each other’s company until it was time for us to call a night.  The next few nights we saw each other at the coffee shop. At the beginning, we were just two friends whose partners were out of town, and we decided to spend some time together. By the time Friday night came, Shannon and I had spent every night together, and we were a lot closer than either of us ever expected. Since neither one of us was working on Saturday; we both decided to have a picnic at a park, about a half hour drive from Shannon’s house. 

It is a beautiful park; this is the first time I have been at this park. Shannon and her husband Mike had been here many times. There was a lake located in the middle of the park. It has looked like everyone had the same idea as us.  We walked around the lake a few times, before we found a spot. The picnic was great; Shannon made fried chicken. This is the best homemade fried chicken I ever had. The more time I spent with her, the more I fell in love with her.  Why am I here with Shannon? I should be wiser than this. I should have known this would get me into trouble. We had so much fun, that we both leaned over and kissed. I can’t believe what just happened? How can I kiss another woman? This was the first time I had ever kissed another woman, since Rose and I started dating. That kiss had led me into the affair, until now. Everything about Shannon was very different from Rose. Rose was more quiet and a homebody. Everyday she comes home from work; she would stay home and relax. She would read a book or rent a movie, and both of us would cuddle and watch the movie together. Rarely would she want to go out. On the other side, Shannon loves to party. She loves to go out to eat, to the movie, or sometimes to the karaoke bar. I do not understand why I fell in love with Shannon. We have nothing in common like Rose and I.  

Our affair lasted a little over a year until Shannon and I were getting caught holding hands in a restaurant. Rose the person saw me holding her hand, and the most important of all; our lips were together. Another word, we were kissing each other. She did not walk over to our table.

As I walked into the house, I heard the TV noise, which made me wonder why the TV was still on. Rose was still up watching TV. “It’s late. Why don’t you go to bed?” 

She did even turn around to look at me. Her eyes were still on the TV.  At least a few minutes later, she finally said. “Where were you tonight?”

“I was at work; like I told you this afternoon. I worked late tonight. Don’t you remember?”

Rose was quiet for a few minutes then said. “Yes, I remember. Then who were you with at the Italian restaurant on the corner of Fifth and Main Street.

I can not believe that she saw me with her. How much did she see? Did she see me kiss her? “What are you talking about?” I was trying to find out what she knew.

“I was there with a friend of mine for dinner, since you were coming home late.” She then slowly turned around and continued. “I saw you holding hands with another woman and kissing her on the lips. Who is she?”

I was frozen there. I did not know what to say or do. It is time for the truth to come out. “I’m sorry dear. Yes, you were right. I was there with someone else. I’m sorry.” 

“Who is she?”

“Her name is Shannon.”

“Coworker?”

“No, Shannon at the coffee shop.” I slowly walked over to the sofa to sit next to her. I then continued. “You know Mike and Shannon; we used to hangout most the time at the coffee shop.”

She shook her head and acknowledged that she knew who Shannon was. “How long have you been seeing her?”

“Almost a year.” I was speaking in a low tone of voice. At that time, my head was down. I was too ashamed to tell Rose about the affair. “Remember last year when you went to New York to visit Nancy for two weeks?”

“A year; you mean to tell me that you have been cheating that long?”

“I’m afraid so. I know that you don’t believe me but it started out innocent.” I started to tell her about that night, and a few other times Shannon and I were spending time together. 

After listening to me telling the story, she just stood up and walked into the bedroom, did not say a word. I followed her to the bedroom, but she locked the door. I then stood trying to convince Rose to open the door. There was no answer coming from the bedroom. Since it was late, I went into the guest bedroom to go to sleep. I was hoping that I could talk with her the next day. I couldn’t sleep that night; all I could think about what to say to Rose in the morning? 

It was up early that morning; probably 6am when I walked out to the kitchen to make coffee, waiting for my wife to come out and talk. I was waiting until 8am; there was no sign of her. I went to work; I have a big meeting today so I left before I could see her.

No matter how much I tried to focus on the meeting. I could not focus on it. All I could think about was going on with Rose and me. What will happen with us? I don’t think I was focusing on the meeting. The only thing I could think about is what will happen when I come home. 

Finally, the meeting was over; I told my boss that I would take half the day off. I was trying to organize my thoughts before talking with Rose. I did not know how I got home safely. I do not remember anything about riding home from work. You know where my mind was at that time. 

There was no one in the living room when I walked in. I then called. “Rose, honey where are you?” There was no answer at all. I figured that Rose was at the store so I walked into our bedroom to take a nap, before she came back.

Instead of taking a nap. I saw a note on the dresser that said she will stay at her sister’s house for a couple of weeks, please do not contact her. She needed some time to think about everything. What is going on here? What just happened to me here? My wife just left me; I cannot believe that. What am I going to do now? She said she doesn't want to talk with me now. She wants some time to think over everything. What is really going to happen to us later? 

The whole month was tough on me, I do not know about her but I could not think or do anything right at all. The only thing in my mind was Rose and I. I started thinking about how we first met, and how I was falling in love with her. Now I wonder if she will forgive me. Life is funny. One day you feel like you are on top of the world, and the next day you feel like everything in life is against you. 

Finally, Rose was on her way home from her sister’s house; this was the first time I had a chance to talk with her, since she left the house. It was a weird feeling. On one side, I am excited to see my wife; I miss her, on the other side, I was afraid to see her, because of the consequences of my actions. This might be the last time I see her. While waiting for her, I was remembering our life together the past ten years.

Rose and I have known each other since our freshman year in college. I met her in our freshman English class. I still remember the first time I met her in class. I was sitting two seats behind Rose. One of the reasons why I was attracted to her at that time was her long black hair. I still remember, I always admired her hair.  It is as soft as it looks. We formerly have to know each other, two months into the school year. The first time we were introduced was at the lunchroom. I was sitting by myself at the table, when Rose was walking over and asked me. “Is anyone sitting here?” 

I looked up and saw nobody other than Rose, I then said, “No.”

“Thank you!” she then put her tray on the table, sat down, and continued. “My name is Rose, and I believe we have English class together.” 

“Yes, we do and I seat behind you.” I smiled at her.

“Are you and your family new to the city?”

“How did you know?” I was surprised that she knew.

She smiled at me, “This is a small town, I know most of the kids here, and I don’t recall seeing you before.”

“I say yes my family is from the west coast, we had just moved over here because my father just got a job here, a few months ago.”

Within an hour, we had become friends with each other; one of a few new friends at this school. Steve was the other. During my first year, here at the high school Rose and Steve were my best friends.

Not until a couple months later; Rose invited me to come over to her house to study, and at the same time, she wanted me to meet her family. Later on, I found out that I was the only person she ever invited to come to the house to study. I guess she already knew at times what she wanted.

As I walked toward the door there was a big man walking toward the door waiting for me. I then put my hand out, introduced myself, and said. “How are you sir?”

“I’m fine; she’s inside studying.” Mr. Smith said.

“Thank you!” I then walked inside the house looking for her. She was sitting at the dinner room table studying, when I said, “Hello Rose!”

She turned around and saw me standing right there; she smiled at me and then said. “Hi there.” She then pointed at the chair next to her and told me, “Let's get started studying.”

“Sure.” I then walked toward the table and sat at the chair she pointed at. We were studying for about an hour, when Mrs. Smith came out of the kitchen with a plate of cookies and two glasses of her famous lemonade. “Here some snacks for you two.”

“Thank Mom.” Rose gives her mom a stare telling her that she needs to go back to the kitchen. 

“Thank Mrs. Smith.” I turned around to acknowledge her.

She smiled at us for a few minutes, and then walked back into the kitchen. Rose and I go back studying. We continued to study until dinnertime when Mrs. Smith told Rose that was dinner and asked me if I was going to stay for dinner.  I said. “Thank you mama; that would be great.”

Rose and I walked over to the dinner room to joint her parents. The food is great. Mr. Smith asked me so many questions, that I was nervous to answer his questions. Finally, Mrs. Smith said. “Leave the boy alone; stop scaring him.”

After dinner, Rose decided to go for a walk before getting back to the books. There was a small park about a five minutes walk from her house. There was an empty bench, where we could watch the sunset; I guess watching the sunset and being alone with her led me into a romantic mood. Slowly I put my hand over her shoulder. The same time she leaned her head over my shoulder; both of us forgot the time we needed to study. Neither one of us knew what came over us but we both leaned over and kissed each other at the same time. I have found the woman I fell in love with. I do not know how she felt about the kiss but to me “wow!” 

Right after we graduated from college, I asked her to become my wife. I still remember that day as if it was yesterday. The date was May 24, 1997, and I asked her at the beach. My best friend Steve was one of the people who helped me with the plans.

I asked Steve’s parents to allow me to use their beach house for the night. I decided to ask her there. My plan was to ask Steve to set a romantic dinner for us on his back porch overlooking the beach. This would be a surprise for Rose.  

The day before the special night, I told Rose that I would pick her up around 4pm.

“That’s fine, what are we doing tomorrow?” She asked.

“We are going for a walk at the beach, and later on we are going to get dinner.”

“That sounds great!”

I was at her house a few minutes before 4pm to pick her up as I had told her. I was more nervous than any other times I was there. Since we spent the whole day at the beach, I decided to dress casual. I have to wait at least ten to fifteen minutes, before we could head out. “You look beautiful.” I told her as we headed to my car.

“Thank you!” Rose answered me as she stepped inside the car.

I was still thinking about what to say to Rose when I asked her the big question later on. There was silence between us on the way to the beach. Finally, she said to me. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine, why do you ask?”

“I have never seen you that quiet before?”

“I’m sorry; there were some problems from work that are still sticking on my mind.” I was lying to Rose. There was nothing wrong with work; the only thing on my mind now is hoping that Steve does not mess up my plans tonight, but I cannot tell her that yet. In addition I was trying not to forget what to say to Rose.  

“I see”

“I’m sorry for not talking with you.” I then turned over to give her a quick smile. 

She also smiles at me and then says. “I’m understood.”

We began to talk, until we were at the beach, by time Rose realized that this is a new area that I have never taken her to before. “Where are we, you never brought me here before.” 

I laughed for a few minutes and continued to tell her. “Yes, I have never taken you here before. This is the place when I need to be alone.” I then held her hand and continued to walk toward a small hill. At this place, both of us were sitting there watching the sunset. Rose and I have watched sunset many times but today is different; what I mean is with the beautiful sunset and the woman I love next to me; I should feel happy but instead I am worrying if Tom finished cooking the meal and Steve set up the table on time. I finally told Rose that it is time for dinner. We then headed over to the house where I was still hoping that everything was finished. 

Rose saw a beautiful table set up on the back porch and said. “Look at the table on the back porch. That is beautiful.”

I smiled at her and continued our conversation. “Yes, it is beautiful. But do you know what?”

“What?” Rose said

“That beautiful table on that porch is for us.” I then laugh.

“For real?” She was surprised.

“Yes, it’s for us.” Then we continue to walk toward the house.

“What’s the occasion?”

“I just wanted to spend some time with you at the beach with you and what is better than having dinner on the beach with the girl that I love.” Again, I smile at her then lean over to give her a kiss. 

By the time, we headed to the house; Steve was waiting for us at the door. I have never seen Steve in a tuxedo before, he looked very handsome in the black tuxedo. Steve opened the door for us and led us to our table. I can see Rose's eyes that she was surprised by the whole event. I just hope that she did not expect anything else. She realized that there was a red rose on the table for her. When I saw the table, I knew that I asked the right person to help me out. Not only was there a single red rose for her but there was a vase of tulips and two candles lit up as we sat down. 

  Steve asked his friend, who is studying to become a chef, to help me out that night and his name is Tom. I met with Tom and Steve early in morning to go over the plan. I was giving Steve the ring to hide in the dessert. Rose would be surprised when she found the ring inside the fortune cookies. Everything about the night was superb. From the location to the food, everything was wonderful. I can see in her eyes that she had a great time tonight. Finally, Steve brought two fortune cookies for us. Inside one of the cookies, there was an engagement ring, when Rose breaks the cookie there is a ring in there that is when I will ask her. 

Next thing I heard from Rose is. “There’s something in the cookies.”

“Yes, your fortune is like all the other fortune cookies we have had before.” 

“No, there is something else in there; I can feel it.”

“Well then open it up; see what’s inside.” I was trying to keep calm.

Once she saw a ring, her eyes opened wide look at the ring and said in a loud voice. “Look honey! There is a ring in here.”

“Really?” I was playing along pretending I did not know anything about the ring for a few minutes and continued to say. “Read your fortune, see what it says.” 

She started reading the message and again her eyes were wide open, staring at the piece of paper. 

“What’s it say?” I finally ask.

She looked at me and said. “Yes honey, I will marry you.” She then walked over to me and gave me a big kiss.  By this time, Tom and Steve walk toward the door to congratulate both of us. Ten years later my life was different; I am now waiting to see the consequences of my affair.

 Finally, Rose walked in the door; she looked serious and walked toward the bedroom without saying a word. I then follow her into the room and say. “How are you doing honey?”

She turns around, looks at me angrily and says. “How do you expect me to feel?”

“Again, I’m sorry for my actions but please forgive me.”

“Forgive you? Every time I see her; I will think about the other woman.” She walks out to the kitchen to get a drink. I follow Rose out there. She then continues, “Did you know how much you hurt me? I don’t know if I can forgive you.” 

“I’m sorry for everything. I know how much I have hurt you; I understand if you never forgive me. The only thing I can do now is to promise you that I will not do it again.” 

“I can’t even forgive you for this one and you expected me to believe you with the promises that you will never cheat again. Didn’t you promise me the same thing when we married?”

I did not know what to say after that. All I can do is to stand there in silence and I listen to everything she is saying.  Finally, I said. “I’m sorry I hurt you, but all I can promise you is that it will not happen again.” I felt like a kid standing there waiting for the punishment. 

“Right now I don’t think I can’t trust you; I need some time away from you. I will move to my sister’s place for a few months to think. During that time I will make the decision of what I want to do.”

“What to do you mean by that?” I was confused and shocked to hear that.

“I mean is that I need some time to think it over so I guess we are temporary separated until I make a decision about us.”

“You mean you want a divorce.” I was shocked, that was the last thing I could ever think Rose would want to do.

“No, separate until I know what to do?” She then headed back to the bedroom to pack more clothes and a few other items.”

I know Rose; once she makes up her mind on something, no one can change her so I just waited in the living room, in silence. Few minutes later, I finally composed myself to ask her a question. “So how long are we going to separate?” 

She turns around and looks at me for a few minutes then says. “Right now, I don’t know yet.” She then picked up her suitcase and started walking out of the house. The only thing I could do was just walk Rose out to the door. This was the last thing I expected of the outcome.

 Even though Rose and I separated, we still talked on the phone regularly. Every time we talked, she continued to tell me how much pain I had caused her. It seemed like there was nothing I could do to change her mind, during the year we were separated. Finally, I decided to ask for a divorce. I told her that I had done everything I knew to show her how much I had changed and it seemed like that she wasn’t convinced. 

After the divorce, I moved out of town; I could not handle seeing her around town. It was so painful seeing her, but knowing that she no longer loved me. That's why I decided to move to the east coast. What I learned from the ordeal is nothing better than the one you have.