It’s tough for a person to be in love and to be wise at the same time; a good friend of mine told me that many years ago. What did he mean by that? I have never understood that statement until recently.
After moving to the city, I started working at a big law firm. There, I met a girl. Her name was Heather. She was one of our secretaries. She had short black hair and brown eyes. I still remember the first day I met her.
“Nice to meet you; my name is Heather. I’m a legal secretary.” She told me, “If you need anything let me know; my desk is over there.” She told me as she pointed to her desk.
“Thank you Heather, I will keep that in mind.”
As I walked into my office, I couldn’t get Heather out of my mind. Not only was she a beautiful girl, but she also had a sexy voice. For the remainder of the day my mind was on Heather. Soon, Heather became my personal secretary.
After a month with the firm I finally had case. As the case got closer to trial, Heather and I started working late nights. Within the short time that we knew each other, I had learned so much about her life. I thought there was nothing about her that I did not know, but one day she finally told me that she is married. How can that be? How can a woman I believe I am in love with be married? The news that she was married made me feel desperate, but I knew I had to be professional at work.
Heather and I continued working together, sometimes on the same case. I felt awkward working with her, knowing that she was married; because I didn’t know how to control my feeling towards her. I knew that Heather and I would never have a chance together. I don’t know why, but that made me even more attracted to her. I believe that when we know we can not have something, it makes it even more attractive for us.
What should I do? Should I continue working and hoping nothing between us would happen or should I ask for a new assistant? I decide to talk with Heather during one of our late work night, about our future.
“Can we talk?” I asked Heather.
“Sure, what on your mind, boss?” she laughed.
“We need to talk about us.”
“Us? What about us? I don’t understand.”
“I need to find another secretary.”
“Did I do some thing wrong?”
“No, Nothing you did.”
“Then what happened,” she looked entirely confused.
“This has nothing to do with you but it is all about me.” I then took some deep breaths to get the courage to tell her, “The last few weeks I have developed certain feelings for you, so I don’t think it is a good idea that we work together.”
“Oh! I see.”
“I’m afraid that if we continue to work together, my feeling for you will increase. You are a married woman.”
“Both of us are adult; I don’t think this is necessary.”
“I know, but you are married and I don’t want to get involved with that.”
“Well, not for long; my husband and I are going through some problems right now.”
“Really?”
She then started telling me how her husband worked late nights and went on so many businesses trips that he never had any time for her. She continued to tell me that she believed that he even cheated on her when he left town on business.
“How long have you two had this problem?”
“For over a year now.”
I then asked her whether she had talked with her husband about this. She told me that he denied it every time, but she convinced me that there nothing left between her and her husband.
She also convinced me with that soon we would be together. Heather and I are still working together on the case. We only talk with each other when it necessary. The more I tried not to talk with her, the more I did talk to her. How could that be possible? I see her so much that I day-dream about her almost every day.
Finally, it happened to me; Heather’s friend has a party. That is when the affair with Heather begins.
I knew this was a wrong thing to do but when it comes to love; right and wrong no longer existed for me. My brain no longer functioned only my heart has alive. The weekend of her friend’s party, Heather’s husband was on an important business trip and he could not accompany her to the party, so Heather asked me if I wanted to go with her to the party. Now my answer should have been, “Sorry, I don’t think that good idea for us to go together to the party,” but instead my heart spoke, “Yes, I would love to.”
I came to her house on the evening of the party to pick her up. As she opened the door, the only words to come out of my mouth were “WOW!! Look at you!” She looked so beautiful in her blue dress.
“Well thank you!” She smiled at me and then continued, “Look at you; you look handsome in that suit.”
“Thank you. Are you ready to go?” I asked but my eyes still admired her beauty.
“Yes, I just need to get my jacket and purse.”
“Sure.” While waiting for her, I started to feel guilty. I knew I should not be here right now.
Finally, we both headed toward the Marriott Hotel where the party was happening. By the time we get to the hotel; most of the people were already there. As we were walking into the ballroom, I felt all eyes were on Heather. The ballroom looked very romantic. As you entered, on your right side were all the refreshments and on the left side were tables that had been set with a romantic theme. In the middle of the room was the dance floor. The atmosphere was very romantic, and the light was dim all around the room. Each table had a lighted candle.
We found a table with some of her friends. As we were joined them, you could see everyone’s eyes were on us. Even though Heather introduced me as a friend, everyone wondered what happened to her husband. I was feeling weird when I realized that people looked at me as if I were trash. They don’t understand me, I thought. I am in love and she will divorce her husband soon. I decided to dance so that I didn’t have to see these people’s faces. “Would you like to dance?” I decided to ask her.
“Sure, I would love to!”
I took her over to the dance floor, and we danced an hour or more until I was tired. “Let’s take a break,” I suggested.
“Sure.” Heather smiled and both of us headed back to our table. We had a great conversation until the DJ called, “This is the last dance for tonight,” and we headed back to the dance floor for that last dance.
After the party I took Heather back home; during the ride back there was a silence between us. I don’t know about Heather but I was feeling guilty about the whole thing. What am I thinking? However, at the same time I was glad to be here, because I did have fun. Bottom line was I was confused about the whole thing.
Finally I walked her to her door to say goodbye, but again it turned out to be a mistake.
“You look like you need a cup of coffee before you go home. Please come in I will make a fresh pot of coffee for us.”
Now at this point I should have said, “No thank you, I’m fine.” But again my brain was not functioning: “Sure I’d love too.”
After a few minutes in the kitchen; Heather came out with coffee for both of us. Again we talked for awhile until it time for me to leave.
From that night on Heather and I saw each other outside of the office every week without anyone knowing. We usually got together during lunch if possible, and if Heather’s husband was out of town than we would hang out in the evening. Sometimes, I came over to her house for the evening when he was out of town.
A lot of the time I felt guilty for my relationship with Heather. After coming home from a date; I always told myself that I would break up with her, but she always convinced me that she loved me more than him and soon they would break up. She always told me “Honey, please be patient with me. Soon we will be together.” Then she would lean over and whisper into my ear, “Baby, I love you.”
I remember that one of the times I tried to tell her that we must end our relationship by taking her out to our favorite restaurant. I was trying to remember everything I needed to say to her. From the time we left the house to the restaurant, there was no dialogue between us.
“Is there anything wrong?” Heather asked in a concern voice.
“Oh, nothing, why do you ask?” I asked
“Because, you have not said a word tonight.” She said with a smile.
“Yes, I have something I need to talk to you about, but we can talk after dinner.”
“Why can’t you tell me now?”
“Let’s enjoy dinner first, and then we talk later.”
She didn’t understand the reason but she said, “Sure, honey.” We continued to the restaurant in silence.
The meal was great but there was very limited conversation during the meal. I could tell that she was very confused about the whole situation but did not know how to respond to my attitude.
Finally we were in the local park close to the restaurant where we had our conversation. We were all alone in the park.
“I don’t know how to tell you this, honey?” I said.
“Tell me what?” If she had not been confused before, now she was.
“Well, huh, well I need to tell you something, but I don’t know how to say this the right way.”
“Tell me what ever is on your mind. Don’t worry.” She smiled at me after she spoke.
“Ok, here goes; when will you divorce your husband?” I blurted out.
I could tell that she was uncomfortable with my question. “Well soon, you know that.”
“That’s what you said a long time ago?”
“I know, soon we will be together; please be patient with me.” She lean over and kissed me as it everything should be fine after that. After a long talk she convinced me that they soon will be separate and we will be together forever. I bought everything she told me and continued seeing her.
We were seeing each other for over a year before he found out that we were having an affair. It all happened on one afternoon we were having lunch at a restaurant outside of city at the same time he was having dinner with a client at the same restaurant. She was holding my hand and at the same time we were kissing so we didn’t see him.
Heather found out everything about our lunch date from her husband that night; both of them were talking all night from the time she came home from work. The next day she told me everything that happened and she told me that we needed to end our relationship.
“I am a little confused.” It took me a few minutes before I could continue. “What about everything you said yesterday?”
“What do you mean” Heather said.
“What happen to? Please be patient with me! Soon we will be divorced.”
“I am sorry. Everything I told you yesterday was true, but I’m not ready to give up him right now!”
She then walked out of my office, leaving me speechless. What just happened to me? I was the one trying to break up the day before, but today I’m being dumped; I don’t understand.
I have never understood what happened to me with Heather. I knew better than to get myself involved in that relationship. Why did I allow my heart to get involved? Why can I follow my instinct the first time; this would never happen to me today.
Five years after the affair ended; I still can not understand why I was allowing myself to be involving it.
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