Unconsciously Alive

I am waking up.

I see what the world really is-

and how it will treat me.

The deranged and arbitrary, motion of it all.

They say it will get worse-

Before it gets  better.

But at what cost?

My sanity?

Gone.

My love?

Gone.

My passion?

Gone.

I’ve lost the things I care about.

I found new things to care about.

GONE.

What is left to pay?

I’m alone.

No one knows the me that hides in her room-

giving her true thoughts only to an imperceptible phantom.

this phantom is  my ally-

it brings nightmares-

nightmares that let me know I’m still alive.

I’m alive-

But still sleeping-

Waking up-

But not conscious yet.

Learning of the world-

But not knowing what to do with this knowledge.