Matt

Chapter 7

MATT

It’s still morning, and Harper is supposed to be at her appointment with the psychologist. For some reason, although I was hoping this wouldn’t happen, I’m not all that surprised to see her name pop up on the screen of my cell when it starts ringing. I’m packing up the last of my things in my apartment, but if Harper is calling already, something must have gone wrong.

I answer the phone, a little hesitant to know what’s going on, “Harp? Everything okay?”

All I hear is deep breathing and no response. “Harp? You there?” Nothing. “Are you okay?”

“Sorry, Matt. Didn’t mean to scare you, but I had to call,” she keeps breathing heavily and hesitates before continuing.

“It’s okay, but you scared me. What happened? I didn’t think you’d be done with your appointment so quickly,” I ease into the topic.

“Yeah, well, that might not have gone so well. I left before we were finished. I just couldn’t keep going, and I walked out. I know that was wrong and really rude, but it was all I could do at the moment. I just started feeling so overwhelmed and panicked. I had to get out of there, Matt,” she explains, disappointed in herself.

“Why did you start feeling panicked? What was she asking you?”

Harper explains that the therapist wanted to get to know her a little, but she just wanted to talk about why she was there instead. When she started to explain to Dr. Stine what happened the night her parents died in the car accident, she got so lost in the memory of getting the news from her sister. Right after Harper was able to tell the psychologist exactly what had happened, panic set in. Her anxiety took over, and another panic attack started. Harper felt like if she stayed, it’d get worse, and that scared the hell out of her.

I know Harper is having a really hard time, but now she’s not going to get the help she needs. I know there’s no one else who can help her discuss any of it or try to one-day work through it. She won’t talk about it with her aunt or her sister, and she talks to me, but I haven’t been through a situation like this.

I don’t know the right or wrong things to say. I’m afraid I’m going to say something that’ll be taken the wrong way or come out wrong. I can’t be the one to get her through this alone. There’s too many other things going on at the same time, and I’m starting to feel overwhelmed. We’ve never had to deal with something like this in all the years Harper and me have been friends. Part of being someone’s best friend is sharing in that person’s accomplishments and happiness but also helping them get through the hardest, most discouraging times.

I try to act normal and be calm, “Do you think you should try to make another appointment, and go one more time before giving it up for good?”

There’s no response for a moment. “I don’t know, Matt. This just doesn’t really seem like it’s for me. I have a hard enough time sharing my feelings with my own family and close friends. I know it’s supposed to be easier to go to a therapist you have no personal connection with to discuss your deepest emotions and problems, but I have a hard time with that.”

“It’s understandable, and I’m not judging you for that. I just don’t want you to regret it later if you don’t give it a fair chance. That’s all, but we don’t have to talk about it anymore if you don’t want,” I reassure her.

“Thank you. You’re right, and I hope I don’t regret it too. Maybe it’s just too soon or not the right time, or at least I hope that’s the case,” she laughs to mask the pain.

“That’s always possible, and if you feel like you want to go back at some point, it’s always an option.” I pause for a moment. “Are you almost all packed up to move in with your aunt?”

“For the most part, yeah. I have some last things to finish this afternoon before you come pick me up, but that’s really it. Are you all ready to go?”

“I am packing one last box as we speak, and then I’m all set! I can’t wait, Harp. I really can’t.”

“I know, and I’m really happy that you are about to do something you’re really excited about.”

‘Thank you, me too.”

There’s part of me that’s so excited to start this new adventure, next chapter in my life, but I try to be careful how much of that I let show to her right now with what she’s been through. Somehow, it doesn’t seem quite fair for me to be this happy, in my own life, when Harper’s life is crumbling around her. I know I shouldn’t have to feel like that, but I care too much to be that selfish. Harper would never expect me to hide my excitement, but she knows I’m trying to keep it all in check, and that’s okay.

“Okay, Matt. I’m gonna head home to finish up some packing and try to digest all of this. I’ll see you later on when you come get me,” she ended.

“Sounds good, and don’t feel too bad about the appointment, kay?” I try to make her feel better about the whole thing, but I don’t know if it will work for awhile. Usually it’s not this hard to make her feel better, but I definitely understand why things are a little tough now.

“I’ll try. Okay, see ya later.”

“Bye, Harp. Go finish your packing. I’ll see you later,” I reply and hang up.

I add a few things to the box I’m trying to finish up, but I start thinking about how much things are really about to change. Maybe Harper had a good point when she said everything will be different. I just don’t know what to do about it though. Maybe there’s really no right answer. We have to do what we feel is right at the time, and sometimes that’s the only way we can get through certain times.