School Day Paranoia (Character: Brent Livingstone)

It's the first day of school and Brent doesn't know what to expect.

Chapter II: School Day Paranoia

     The alarm from my clock is blasting in my ear and now I just want to die. The day is finally here; the first day of school, but I’m much too tired now to even get up and get ready. I grab my clock and chuck it across my room, snatching it out of the socket. Afterwards, I went back to sleep for only a few minutes. A few minutes turned out to be over thirty minutes when I woke up. Frantic, I grab my watch to check the time; it’s 6:27 A.M. My bus comes in three minutes and I know I won’t be able to get ready that fast, but I can try. I tried but as I attempt to get my pants on I can hear a loud engine. I peer out my window and all I see is a bus driving pass, “F**k” I exclaim. This could be worse. I could have died in my sleep, which doesn’t sound half bad. No, now I have to tell Pap I missed the bus. It’s now as simple as it seems. Asking him to take me to school because I’m late is horrible. It involves extensive verbal abuse and bruises. Walking to school is heaven compared to asking Pap for a ride, but I want to be on time. Walking will have me sweating and stinking up the place, but it’s worth it though.

     I’m staring at my room door contemplating whether or not I should walk or talk to Pap. What should I do? A normal person’s decision would be to walk but no. F**k, I don’t know. I’m about as confused as anyone else. If only I could fly; that would be nice. It reminds me of the first time I was on a plane. It was a trip to go see my family in California. It’s quite funny actually seeming that as much white trash I have in my family you wouldn’t think I’d have some decent ones in California, but that’s beside the fact. The plane ride was scary. My mom sat right beside me telling me that nothing was going to happen. I thought the plane was going to fly out of the atmosphere and that all of us were going to suffocate. Clearly, I was being silly but I felt as if my thoughts were truth at the time. I stared out that plane window and saw the beautiful site. The blue sky with its white comforters and pillows but I saw it as hell on Earth. I saw the sky as a place I didn’t need to be, a place that I was destined to die at, but in reality it was all just me being paranoid. Yeah, Pap is going to hit me for waking up late but it could be much worse. I’m just overreacting. Before I came to conclude what I was going to do, I heard the jingling of keys. The noise startled me and my heart jumped. It must have been Parker leaving for work. I paced myself towards my room door. I took a deep breath and grabbed the knob. Walking out my room door I am left at a crossroad. Either I choose the left path to Pap’s room or I choose the right path down the hallway to the front door. Honestly I’m stuck. I don’t know what to f*****g do. I put my head down and to my surprise there’s a penny on the floor. It’s up to the penny to decide my fate. I picked up the penny and say to myself “Head, I walk. Tail, I go to Pap.” With my heart racing I flip the coin. Watching it flip in the air slowed down time. It appeared so slow flipping in the air. Everything seemed to be moving slow but my heart continued to race. The penny falls into my palm and I flip it over onto my arm. It came out as a tail, “Damn” I sighed. I’m walking down the dark hallway thinking of everything: Pap, Rebecca, and Lionel. I’m now face to face with Pap’s door. I slowly twist the doorknob and push the door open. Pap’s knocked out cold on the edge of his bed, asleep. It’s pretty dangerous waking him up in a deep sleep but he’s not snoring, so I reckon I can take a chance. "Pap" I called to him and he grunted. He still didn’t fully awake so I figure I’ll try again, “Pap.” He grunted and finally responded "What?" “I, I" hesitation isn’t the best thing to use when it comes to asking him something. "I, I what" he mimicked my stutter. "Wait, shouldn't your a*s be at school?" Well it’s a bit late now to try to talk my way out of it. "Yeah but" "But what? Did you miss the f****n' bus?" He’s so blunt with things. You’d think he’d withhold some of his language considering I’m his son, but no. "Yes sir" when I said that he hastily leaped up and punched me in my torso. Usually I can handle his hits but when he's drunk, the pain is unbearable. He punched me in my torso several times before grabbing me by my hair and threatening me, “Don’t you ever miss that bus again boy, you understand? You’re the one who’s gonna bring us out of this s**t hole. You’re not gonna end up like me and Park. You’re gonna be something if I have to beat it out of you! Understand?” “Yes sir” I hesitated to say. This is quite a good morning, wouldn’t you agree?
     The ride to school isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Usually Pap would be insulting me the entire way but this time he’s just quiet. Pap being silent actually has me at ease. My head hanging out the window, letting my hair flow in the wind just seems right. Makes me feel as if life is right and the dark sky is finally brightening. I look at Pap to see if he still has a look of anger on his face; he looked back at me with frowned. I put my head back out the window and thought. Pap is the devil in my life and Parker is his exact clone. They're so much alike. Pap drove my mom off and I know she wanted to take me and Parker, but you know that f*****g drunkard. He could scare someone from even attempting to get the law involved. I’m not even aware of her well-being. Since I was seven, I was told she was a lying w***e and that she didn’t love me or Parker but I don’t think so. What I do remember of her seems to dismiss anything he has to say about her. I can think for myself and not be fed bullshit. We pulled up the school swinging around the corner going fifty mph. "Get the f**k out and if you're not home by four, I'm lockin’ you out." What does he mean by that? We don’t do anything family wise unless this is my punishment for not getting up on time. "Okay Pap" I hurried out of the beat up 1968 Chevy CST.
     I made it to Gym just minutes before the pre-bell rang. After the Pledge of Allegiance, I looked around to see if any of my friends were in here too. Unfortunately, a lot more of them are in here than I’d expected. Walking over to my friends, I held my breath wondering if they knew anything. The looked at me with their eyes lit up and welcoming me; maybe Rea didn’t tell them anything. "What up, what up" I cheerily said to my crew. "Eh man!" said Tommy. "Look who's over there" Krystal said pointing at Lionel. “What are you going to do, man” Jeffrey questioned me, “Go ruff him up a bit” Peter now said. I guess this is my cue. It makes me feel so guilty because I know I’m just feeding into peer pressure. Why won’t I just say no? I thought I was the head of this crew but I’m the one following my crew’s orders. “Something wrong, dude” my other friend, Richard, questioned. “No, I’m fine just thinking of what I’m gone say to him” “You are so country,” Krystal told me chuckling. “What” I told her, “’what I’m gone say to him,’ that’s country talk” “Yeah whatever.” She always mocks the way I talk; it bothers me. She just needs to leave me alone. I can’t help the way I talk just like she can’t help began a s**t. Oh man, I shouldn’t think like that; she’s my friend, right? “So are you going to go” Ricky pushing me more. “Yeah,” Usually I can do this without feeling remorse what so ever but now I just don’t want to do it. As I walk over to Lionel’s bleacher, I’m just looking at him up and down. It’s just something about him that makes me feel a certain way. I don’t want to hurt him, he just doesn’t deserve it. Everything I feel towards him doesn’t need to come out as anger and violence, but that’s the only way I can get it out. Before I knew it I was standing right in front of him and my crew all had growing smirks on their faces. "So how was your summa Brit boy" I said attempting to mock his voice; I was never any good with accents. "Fine, I guess. I mean I didn't do anything," he actually had a response to that? I’m surprised but to keep me from looking like a complete idiot I finished off with "Bein’ a waste of breath, suckin' on Mommy's tits as usual." The look on his face is beyond priceless. How did I have the gall to say something like that? Well I’ve said much worse before but that is awful. “Oh, shut up! Not like you did anything more interesting” When he said that, it came as a shock to both of us. He inhaled as if he were about to die and his eyes widened. My crew awed as if he just signed a death sentence. I have to think fast. What can I say to that? Only one thing could come to mind, kick his a*s. "What the hell did you say, you stumpy little f**k?" "I, I" I couldn’t help but feel for him. I’m not much bigger than him but I’m definitely stronger, and he knows what’s about to come. I grabbed him by his neck; not tightly but just enough for him to lose a bit of breath. That isn’t enough though. I at least need him to appear as if he’s in pain, so with my open left hand I grabbed a handful of his hair. He’s staring into my eyes and I’m staring into his. I experienced some type of connection with him but I don’t know what it is. Surely he’s feeling the same thing; I don’t know. My tactics of getting him to feel pain were wearing off so I grip more of his hair and nudged until he let out a yelp. "Hey, you two break it up now” Coach Douglas shouted at us. I’m actually kind of glad he showed up to keep me from hurting Lionel.  I took my right hand from around Lionel’s neck and my left hand from out of his hair and plead, "But Coach he-” I said so my crew would see me attempting to justify what I’d just done. "I don't want to hear it Livingstone; Roberts, here’s your locker combo; get dressed!" I watched Lionel as he walked to the locker rooms. Why do I hate him so much or at least appear to? I don’t know what he’s ever done to me but it has to be something. Eventually Coach Douglas gave me my locker combination and I headed off to the Boys’ Locker Room.