The Funeral

My first attempt at story writing. Because of it's length I'm not sure if it would be considered a short story or a type of poem.

As the casket came down the aisle everyone paused and held their breath. The casket was so small and sweet with purple flowers and pink polka dots. Her picture was all along the side as if saying “Here I am! Don’t be sad!”. There were muffled cries throughout the church but the mother was stone still in the front pew.

“How do you get over a loss like this”, she thought to herself as they sat the small wooded box at the front of the assembly. Words were spoken and songs were sung but through it all the mother sat motionless, absorbed in her thoughts of sadness. Too much crying had turned her face red and swollen but no less beautiful. Her husband sat near her trying to be strong for her when he himself was broken inside. Suddenly the dark rain clouds left the sky and the windows were full of sunshine. Everyone seemed to feel warmed by the sun and just a bit lighter as the casket was taken back down the aisle and out to the long black car that was waiting.

            The time to the mausoleum was short but felt like an eternity to the mother who stared solemnly out into the summer sun. At the grave, words were said and songs were sung as tears fell by all who had come. Then, as soon as it had begun, the ceremony was over and the little box was placed into the ground slowly and silently. The mother watched as her daughter was finally laid to rest as a final tear fell from her eye. While it descended into the Earth the mother kneeled next to the grave and whispered “I love you. Goodbye” as she threw a single red rose onto the coffin lid.

            “Ma’am, it’s time to go.” the officer said as he helped the mother to her feet. The mother brushed the dirt of the wet ground off of her orange pants and headed back to the prison transport vehicle that was waiting for her.

Author's Note

This is my first attempt so please be kind but do let me know your thoughts on the story and the way it is written. I know it is short and I need to add some to it but I would like some suggestions.

Reviews

[Sound]

It's like a flash fiction story. Good, it was interesting and the end bit was a twist I wasn't expecting.

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Continue!

What a great hook you provided at the end there, with the prison bit. Caught me totally off guard.

Suggestion: for your online readers, double-space between paragraphs. Reading e-text wears the eyes out nine times faster than reading a normal book.

I'm looking forward to reading more from you!

[Drew Wade]

This is totally a story, and it's a good story. Really good. It has a plot and it has an ending, and that's really all you need. And honestly, if something works, you don't really need to add to it. There's a whole genre of really short stories, sometimes called Flash Fiction, and they can be just as powerful as regular short stories. If you feel you need to add to it, then by all means, do, but it is good and well written.