Falling down

Probably chapter one but you never know

Cassidy clutched the magazine tightly as rain slid from its glossy surface to drip in frigid wavelets down her exposed chest. Behind her the city bus belched a wheeze of diesel as it rumbled slowly away. She shivered as she searched the pendulous gray clouds for a sign of summer sunlight. Her heels clopped heavily on the wet concrete as she stepped out onto the quiet street. Cassidy pulled her thin cotton poncho around her as she picked her way through broken glass that littered the sidewalk outside the row of bars and bookstores at the edge of the college campus. For a moment she studied the low row of adobe buildings that marked the graphic art department.

 

“Maybe someday I’ll trade my play dough posse for a PC and a degree.” Cass reached into her handbag and fumbled for the keys to the daycare center where she worked.  “Come on, this is the smallest bag I own. Where are my keys?” She opened the purse wide, brought it up to her face, and gave it a shake. “Hello, I know you’re in there.” She shook the bag again, listening for a familiar jingling noise. A small shiver formed between her shoulder blades and coursed down both arms as she realized there was no sound of metal on metal emanating from her  bag. Cass took a deep breath and looked down the street. The shiver intensified as she spotted two figures walking quickly down the street in her direction. One of the young men met her gaze as she tucked her purse reflexively under her arm. He tagged his hoody clad partner on the shoulder and the two broke into a run. Tossing her purse toward the advancing pair, Cass screamed loudly and bolted down the sidewalk in the other direction. “Leave me alone!” she screamed, glancing over her shoulder to see if they had taken the bait. A wave of fear course through her veins as the two ran past the purse on the ground without even slowing down. Kicking off her shoes, Cassidy broke into a sprint. She screamed again as she heard the footfalls of the two men gaining on her. Suddenly, Cassidy was yanked backward as one of the men caught the edge of her poncho. Struggling against her attacker, Cassidy ripped at the poncho as the fabric tightened around her neck. Cassidy screamed loudly, lunging forward with all her strength as the thin cotton material tore away from her body. "God Help me!"  Cassidy saw the slick concrete sidewalk rushing up at her as she lost her balance. A bright white light exploded in front of her as pain seared through her forehead before Cassidy lost all consciousness.  

Reviews

[J.L Hunter]

Very well written, I was a little afraid at first of the overuse of supporting words (adjectives, pronouns, adverbs) but fizzled down nicely by the second paragraph. I would really like to read more about this. Just a little turned down by the size of the chapter, which I understand is incomplete, but I still can't shake the feeling that there should be more. So write more! Thank you, the prose really was handled well.

[Dan Fite, Jr.]

That was really entertaining! I would love to read some more of the story! Keep up the good work! The description was very good; I could see Cassidy being chased in my head. The way it quickly picks up to action is great as well!

[TL Boehm]

Thank you so much Dan and its nice to meet you!

[Emma Berman]

your prose is royal purple.

[Larry Dyson]

well told and written ..pulled me right in ..but depressing.. that she is a victim...

[Michael X]

Wow, the theme is theatrical and dramataic, I loved it, felt like I was in a theatre! Kudos for such an active plot.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

I hope there is more. I am anxious to see what happens with Cassidy .. very interesting and an attention grabber. Good beginning.. i'm with Dez, more please!

Chloe

[Dezaraye]

Holy cow, Tammy! You gotta give me more, here. You can't leave me hanging.

The suspense is palpable. I feel it rushing through me. I'm afraid for Cassidy ...

More, please. 'Cause you love me! :-D