The Happy Peeps

First there was nothing.

Then there was a giant penguin.

This penguin enveloped the entire cosmos; it was so massive you could not see past it on the horizon of the universe. The mother of all beings, the penguin god. From the butt of this penguin the planet Blorgy was pooped. And on this interstellar t**d-nugget the planet teemed with fresh life. These Happy Peeps lived and loved all that is life on their planet. These creatures all bore the same symbol on their chest. A pink heart. This planet was filled with rainbows and hamsters and they all danced and sang in peace.

This went on for eons, until the desert Flame King rose from the seedy underbelly of the cosmos. Born from the molten magma of a fiery volcano, the one feared and called by his meek adversaries as “The Orange Knight” ascended. His army of mindless minions followed his path, wreaking destruction with their smoky gazes, and together with his Underlings, they sought to find Blorgy and squelch it from existence for all eternity. Blorgy was pure, Blorgy was innocent, and above all Blorgy was adorkable. This drove the Flame King to sheer madness. He vowed he would not rest until Blorgy had been erased from the ether.

As the army drew closer to the peaceful world, Blorgy shuddered with fear. All that is to say, except for the smallest of the Happy Peeps. While this Happy Peep bore a heart on his chest like his brothers and sisters, he was the only one born with a pink exoskeleton. Unbeknownst to him, his exoskeleton was not a deformity, but a gift from the Penguin Herself. She saw the potential in this small Peeplet and bestowed upon him a blessing which enchanted his body, bearing protection from sin and ill-will from others, alongside the ability to channel this power into any object he held in his grasp. Harnessing this gift, The Pink Knight could feel energy surging through him as the dark forces drew nearer.

As the Flame King’s band of miscreants flood onto the serene grasslands of Blorgy, the lush fields were turned to dust and every rainbow shades of grey. Things looked grim for the Happy Peeps, until from out of the darkness a single beam of light burst through and a small creature appeared. The Pink Knight could feel his heart pounding as he stepped closer to the Dark Lord. The Flame King scoffed at the approaching figure. “Bwahaha, you are a mere Peep. I’ll destroy you along with your pitiful race.” He drew his long finger to the Peep. A wall of cinder burst through the air and enveloped the area where the Pink Knight was standing. Everything near was scorched into oblivion, but the red-hot flames danced off his armor without even causing a bead of sweat on his brow. The Flame King gasped “THIS CANNOT BE!!! IT’S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!” But the Pink Knight coolly smiled and reached into his back pocket. There he kept his secret weapon. He wound up like a pitcher on a mound and chucked a furry hamster which quickly attached itself and gnawed the Dark Lord's face off like a swarm of deadly piranhas. Thus as the legend tells, freeing his planet from tyranny and oppression for all eternity.