Loneliness, Nausea and Flying

Where I am right now in life, and where I might be heading...

My friends,

So wonderfull and supportive,

always perfect,

always good,

so much goodness,

how can I compare?

 

How can I be worthy

of people so smart and strong?

How can I be worthy

of people so good and passionate?

How can I be worthy

of friendship from those

who I can never compare to?

 

I tell myself to be nicer,

act smarter,

be more compassionate.

Anything that will make me worthy

Anything

Anything to show them that I'm worth their time,

Even though they don't ask for any of it

I have to do it

Or I'll never feel worthy.

 

Trying

Trying

And trying some more...

Losing myself

Forgetting myself

Trying to be a good friend,

trying to be the BEST friend that ever was

Though secretely,

I'm falling apart,

Perfect on the outside,

though my core is crumbling...

 

Life is spinning,

whirling,

flying past me...

Too many mistakes that I've made,

too many wrongs that I'm trying to right...

And now I pause,

But life doesn't...

I feel sick,

I'm gonna pass out,

I can't handle it...

fast moving trains and cars,

its passengers moving from one point of their lives to another,

and there I am,

standing

still

stagnant

In the middle of the road...

Nausea grips me

Motion sickness

Vertigo

I need to sleep...

 

Standing on a ledge,

above all the movement,

above all of the busy, bustling people who are capable

who do not need to pause

who are perfect

or at least closer to perfection than I'll ever be...

Falling feels like flying till you hit the ground.

I look down, the people on the street look like dots,

like watching a grandscale game of Pacman,

I close my eyes,

feel the wind whipping my hair,

this way and that,

feel the gentle sunlight on my face...

 

One foot in front of the other,

that's all it takes,

it's that simple,

and then I'm flying,

flying downwards,

heading for rock-bottom...

There's no where but down for me to go,

I'm flying, falling faster than my tears,

and I land

On the hard ground

And I am gone

without even a whisper.

Reviews

[Adela Muresan]

Nice confession poem.
I like the original way you illustrated your fault of self confidence and will to go on.
Great work.

A.M.

[Mr. Misanthrope]

Well, it certainly took my breath away...literally.