Quirk

Quirk
It was a day of mornin' dew
I sit in the crowd and there was you
with hair straight dancing and waving
half covered with green bonnet.

Your pale feet walk like a weirdo
in your six pockets clings not a single coin
straps of cloth ending
exposed your knees unwounded.

The air blows as your arms widened.
Unobvious shirt knotted buttons
with each sleeve reared on purpose,
this boney body's all in green!

Your steps create a turn
with every eyes you have captured
then reechoed a growing laugh
from the glance of stupid critics.

Reviews

[RaspberryBullets]

It sounds so lovely, so open. I could perfectly picture that in my mind. Nice.. :) xox

[CHRIS ANDES]

thanks Rasp
=]

[Tunder]

A lovely poem! I like the vagueness of this. The descriptions tell us so much about this person (they're skinny, wearing green, very different, staright hair, and most likely female) yet, so little, which I think is the beauty of this poem! The last line is very final and very powerful. It shows that you disagree with the majority and apprecate this girl's quirks in ways that these 'critics' can't. Overall, a wonderful poem!

[CHRIS ANDES]

;p thanks

[...]

I like this poem :) Admiring the quirk in someone that other laugh at. I have a quirky friend myself, and I love his quirks :)))

[Sir Joe]

My eyes spotted a few errors: (mostly about inconsistency of the tenses)
1. You started the poem with the line "It was a day of mornin' dew". Past tense. So this line should be:
I sit in the crowd and there was you --- I SAT in the crowd and there was you
2. Your pale feet walk like a weirdo --- Your pale feet WALKED like a weirdo
3. in your six pockets clings not a single coin --- in your six pockets CLUNG not a single coin,,,,,,,,,I don't even think that cling/clung should be the right term because cling means "to hold tight". A coin doesn't cling. Unless you're trying to personify in that line.
4. The air blows as your arms widened. --- The air BLEW as your arms widened.
5. this boney body's all in green! --- this boney body WAS all in green!
6. Your steps create a turn --- Your steps CREATED (I even think that MADE would sound better) a turn

Keep writing. (=

[CHRIS ANDES]

yeah, you have a point but I actually delivered the scene as if I was there experiencing it all over again so I thought I have to choose the present tense...
the opening line introduce that it is only reminiscing the past
=]

[CHRIS ANDES]

some of the words you've pointed out really need to be changed
thanks
=]

[Sir Joe]

Ahh, I get your point. (=
You're welcome, Musicfunk. (

[CHRIS ANDES]

thanks sir
=]

[Sir Joe]

hehe don't call me "sir" hahaha

[CHRIS ANDES]

well, it seems formal
=]
you'll get use to it if you have your job sir
;p

[Sir Joe]

haha I have a job now hehe kktpos lng ng shift q ngayong gbi (=

[CHRIS ANDES]

..it's just a fancy caught in the eye =]

[Rhea752]

this was a well written piece. I love quirks and i love this poem. Keep writing. c:

[Tsukin Archangel]

lol i love this, i enjoy quirkyness and i think this piece was expertly named, great job~ I intend to read more of your works in the future

[realmwriter]

Interesting piece, though I am not quit sure what to make of it. But I do like it. Nice!