FINGERTIPS

my haiku's =]

FINGERTIPS 

The warmth I felt through 

Sudden touch your arms let go 

Singin' me as so.

Mutual ties collide 

When your hold with mine subside 

it's within unhide. 

You call me crazy

'coz this feeling's unwary

faded and empty. 

Lonesome embraces 

Li'l fingers lined with spaces 

that's spread in hopeless. 

Like glimpse from afar swiftly grip my arms to fly 

you're a shooting star. 

As your hands fit mine

Loneliness can never find 

just as our faith bind. 

Every touch so speak 

our eyes met though never break 

let me not awake.

-musicfunk-

Reviews

[Hope's Etro]

...I right a lot of sad/ melancholy poems and the like, but this one is amazing! You were able to catch the essence of love and emptiness, colliding to make what some would call..... forgiveness' no? anyway great job; would love to read more of your work

[shunik]

thanks a lot =]

[Hope's Etro]

Aways welcome my sweet ^.-

[shunik]

:)

[Krista Weiss]

Really cute! great job! :)

[GunMetal]

It would not be good to use more punctuation, as some of your phrasing reads strange without it, like this line, "Call me. I'm crazy." And because of the syllabic restrictions haiku have, a few lines seem forced. Outside of that, though, these are wonderful bits of thought.

[shunik]

what i meant for that line is 'call me crazy but it doesn't fit the right syllable so i add "I'm".read morewhat i meant for that line is 'call me crazy but it doesn't fit the right syllable so i add "I'm".
what do you think?

[GunMetal]

Perhaps:
Call me crazy 'coz
this feeling is unweary (unwary?)
faded and empty.

[shunik]

maybe I'll just put there 'you called me crazy
coz this feeling's unwary
so that the 5 syllables for the haiku is maintained
thanks again for the help
=]

[GunMetal]

That works too =)
No problem

[Sugar Plum ♥]

I liked this melody-like poem, with so soft words of love, specially the last verses :
let me not awake.
~nia~

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

I really like this, the ending stanza is nice, and I as well enjoy this part:
"Lonesome embraces
Li'l fingers lined with spaces
that's spread in hopeless.

Like glimpse from afar swiftly grip my arms to fly
you're a shooting star. "

[Drew Peterson]

woow this is good keep it up

[Coyote Poetry]

The simple contact of hands and fingertips are the thing we will need and miss. I like the desire and description in this poem. No weakness in the amazing poetry.
Coyote

This is such a lovely dream to never be awaken of! and stay in for the rest of your life, however we need to wake up, so elusively brilliant! thank you a lot for sharing this. Great three lined rhyme lines!

[EMF]

Thanks to WC it took me twenty minutes to find this again. And I'm so glad I did. Sublime. Absolutley sublime