EVANTHE MEMORY OF A DREAM

                       THE MEMORY OF A DREAM

      I grew up in a family where laugh suits an ordinary conversation and music counts a livin' prayer. Being six boys in the generation of Cassidy, I wasn't that lucky to be the last. First because I have my brothers teasing me and second I'm only 8 years old to withstand them not until I've reached the 3rd grade when my life story turned up side down.
     It started on a Wednesday morning, my first day to a Central University, a few days after we moved in to a new residence in Detroit, thanks to my dad's new contract. A heavy metal artist has its own benefits. It's just that I choose to conquer life in a peaceful manner even if a hard talk with dad seems to be my breakfast every morning. 
Going back to my high school memoirs, the classes started in formal duration. It leave me no choice but to sit not on my favorite spot. The whole damned class were over all annoying, well, not totally after meeting Andy Rhouy who wore the sweetest smile that I can't resist but to sit beside her always. 
     Time passed so quickly and I chose not to discuss school stuffs and problems to my family which I've learned for the past few days. Dad used to tell me "you can't live without your family", and I treated it as a false belief, 'coz I wanted to prove them I can have my own life without them, especially the day when my brother Ted locked me in the basement. 
     Gorgeous life passed 'till darkness filled the house which eventually crushed my heart. The last time I saw dad, he was lying on his bed with more than ten tubes on his body, pause breathing. 
      Pity. 
      Regrets! 
      I already achieved the silence and peace in the house. Whenever we ate dinner, go to church or do household stuff, it was full of grieve and tears. I thought I would be happy without noise, without dad singing and banging in the beat of power metal. I was wrong. The first time I visited him at the hospital, he couldn't speak. That was also the first time when my brothers and I get together and talked as brothers.

     His eyes told me he's happy, though he didn't recognized me; and even remembered nothing about mom. He smiled at me and I felt something tickled in within me like the way Andy's smiles told me the first time I saw her. Dad said he didn't know what to do or where to go through his letters he thankfully managed to write. And I wrote him back . After reading it he cried. I hope he remembered. The letter says "You go into the light". He usually told me that, whenever I cried because I was bullied again by my brother Nick. 
     It was weeks after Dad kicked his last gig in Denmark. His head- injury coma brought by the stampede caused him too much pain. Unexpected volunteers soon filled up the hospital for dad's therapeutic recovery enabling him to write and make expressions. 
     One night, lying on the couch, I've touched a hard long string over my feet, "slash!" Dad's metallic guitar was named 'slash', a loved icon behind his music career. After the whole night playing it, I felt peace. Why didn't I understand dad easily? His music truly meets me at the middle of darkness. He once told me " music is the only one you can go to when you run out of friends ". Then a spark lighted between my pride and wisdom that settled me to say the two words he'd been waiting for me to tell,

........."thank you". 

P.S. Dad died 30th

      of December with

      a smile on his face.

                       -musicfunk-

Author's Note

inspired by a friend...

Reviews

[Max_E_Stone]

Wow. It's wonderful. Just a few errors in grammar, but other than that, the story is very touching. You should submit to a literary magazine or journal.

[astronaut]

Just a bit of grammatical errors but that doesn't really matter to me because it's not the format it's the story that counts. Lots of people are grammar nazis but they have to realise writing comes from the soul and not from the editing world. :P Good job. :)

[Scytheriax]

Agreed about the grammatical errors, but the piece ideas and emotion in this piece were well-written.
I liked it.

[Layla J Omorose]

Full of emotions. And since all the grammar errors have already been pointed out there is no need for me to repeat it. But this was a good heart felt piece.

[Barbara Walker]

Sir Joe hit the grammatical mistakes, so I won't go into those. I agree, polish this and you have a truly great piece! The basics are there and it's beautiful!

[Coyote Poetry]

" music is the only one you can go to when you run out of friends ".
A very good chapter. I like the lesson in the poem. We miss things when we don't have then. I like the story of the loud father and the thoughts of the child. A sad ending to a excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Sir Joe]

1. Central University, few days after --- Central University, A FEW days after
2. thank's to my dad's new contract. --- THANKS to my dad's new contract.
3. consistency of tense. You shifted from one tense to another from time to time. That makes the work rumbled. Like in this part "Time passed so quickly and I choose not to discuss...". Passed and choose? Also, be parallel.
That was also the first time when my brothers and I get together and talk as brothers. --- That was also the first time when my brothers and I GOT together and TALKED as brothers.
4. "the classes starts in alphabetical order"? What do you mean?
5. "It leaved me no choice". There's no such word as "leaved"
6. for the past few days --- IN the past few days
7. The last time I saw dad, was lying --- The last time I saw dad, HE was lying. (antecedent and pronoun)
8. try to cut through sentences because there are some ambiguous sentences there like this one: "I already achieved the silence and peace in the house, whenever we ate dinner, go to church or do household stuff, it was full of grieve and tears." I think it won't hurt if you divide this sentence into sentences.
9. he didn't recognized me --- he didn't RECOGNIZE me
10. Make some of your sentences clear. e.g "Dad told me he didn't know what to do or where to go through his letters he thankfully managed to write." What do you mean by this?
11. playing with it --- playing IT (you don't play WITH the guitar, you play the guitar)
12. Then spark a light between my pride and wisdom settled me to say the two words he'd been waiting for me to tell,
........."thank you". ---- doesn't have a complete thought. Make it a sentence.

I love the way you ended the story. There is a touch of both sadness and happiness at the end. Sadness because of the condition of the speaker's father. Happiness because of the realization of the speaker about music. Sadness dominated the piece and it caused me to be sad, too. I feel so sorry about the speaker's loss. The story is filled with so much emotion. It touched me. Just do a little polishing and it will be a lot better. (=

Nice. (=

[Rhea752]

very sad and nicely written. there were a few grammar mistakes. but VERY well done. keep writing!!!!! :P

[Marie]

I like this very much. I like your quirky style of writing. You should write prose more often.

[CHRIS ANDES]

I never thought I'm good at it
thanks Marie
=]

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Oh how sad, you write emotions in this everywhere, and they all build up into the ending where the emotions hit the most. Nicely written.