Let The Sun Shine

The power of the Sun.

 

 

 

Today I decided to let the sun shine in.

 

When I picked my place it was for many reasons but one of the main reasons was because of the fact that I have a sliding glass door that leads to a balcony in my bed room over looking a lake. I have been here for close to 8 months and I count how many time I have opened the blinds and let the sun shine. I leave in a townhouse that has trees all around, two lakes, and is very peaceful.  We have ducks and geese that I put on my to do list a million times to feed and have not fed once.  There are fish in the lake behind my house that I have promised myself a thousand times I would catch and throw back in but I haven’t even made it that close to the lake to even see them much less catch them.

 

As I type this the geese and ducks sing their song. The birds are chirping the sun is shining and I finally opened the blinds. Why am I fascinated by this you wonder? Well, the very reasons I chose to live here have been ignored. I am always in such a rush and a funk to get things accomplished that the simple natural beauty I bask in at this moment has been ignored.  I fret. I rush. I move in haste. I wake up down sometimes, or frustrated, or completely drained at the thought of every task yet to be accomplished… but do I ever just stop and enjoy what surrounds me.

 

I will tell you this since I opened the blinds and ventured out to open the door and catch the breeze through the screen, my attitude has changed. I still have the long list of things to do but right now I have such gratitude for what is. The birds that won’t let me sleep the day away sing as if they were hired for me. They are cheerful and delightful. The sun lands on my skin and warms reminding me that God still is. The breeze eases me in a way that brings tears to eyes. In this celestial moment I have come to be reacquainted with God through the harmony of the nature He has created and I feel loved on levels that I can’t describe.

 

In the midst of writing this the feelings got contagious and I went downstairs and opened every blind in my house.  Then I took my dog out on the balcony something I have never done before and watched her take pleasure in the morning. I am sometimes obsessive and others compulsive, I am not sure which part of me kicked in but I took her out the front door to the vacant playground. I let her go without leash and she ran as if she was getting paid to do it… Jumping over hurdles of sticks, barking sporadically, running for the pure pleasure of it, pouncing at the birds… It was delightful to watch. So delightful..

 

I found myself being summoned by the swings. I sat reluctantly at first but before I knew it I was up, up, and awayyyy.  I remembered childhood days looking up at trees that seemed to be as big as the ones around me were now and made me feel just as small. I pointed my feet toward the Heavens, reminiscent of those days, decades ago, and leaned back trying to get high enough to make my toes touch the tops of those trees.  I got that same feeling of euphoria I did as a child wanting to touch the sky. *smiles* Then I grabbed Prissy and we swung together for a while before I let her scurry off again. I felt muscles working in my legs and thought about how good it felt… I had to silence my serious thoughts of what is wrong with the children of today because parents don’t force their kids to be active in this way… I hurried myself back into my peaceful state and came right back to this screen.

 

I promise it seems as if the birds and insects were actually an orchestra. Wow. God is amazing. There is a scripture in the New Testament that says something to the effect that men are with out excuse because God has made Himself known to them through nature. Basically it just means if you can just still yourself for a minute in the presence of the awesomeness of nature you will find god’s hands formed it. He orchestrated it. I don’t want to get away from my original point and lose you.

 

I never open my blinds until today. Being that I study the mind and how it functions I have learned and even before learning I just knew that every thing we do has a meaning behind it. What is keeping the blinds closed proving? Well, sometimes I have serious denial issues when you grow up in an abusive, chaotic, addicted environment your mind finds ways to protect you from the constant flow of pain. Once your mind learns these patterns unless you are really ready to face some things your mind will keep on operating as it always has. I am closed off in a lot of ways. For as many extroverted patterns of being I have just as many introverted patterns of being. My blinds closed all the time is a way to shut myself in to what I want to make a safe haven for me.

 

Is that a bad thing? No, of course not. The bad thing is that a lot of times it reinforces other negative patterns of being in my psyche. In some ways it keeps me in the darkness of natural light and away from the positive effects of natural light. There are scientific studies proving that people are affected by natural light and an absence from it leads to certain types of depressions. They actually treat it with a lamp that cast of the same types of light as the sun. I am simply saying self sabotage is real. Maybe on some levels it keeps the pain I am afraid of facing in and keeps me from opening up in ways essential to the healing I seek in matters of heart, mind, and emotion which also affects my will.

 

 What I have experienced this morning in some ways is a miracle because I am aped and ready to go tackle some things but not dreading them as usual. No, instead there is some excitement of what I will make of the day.  I feel lonely at times being that I don’t really have a physical support system around me when I was on that swing that vanished. I have learned in the last few months that I mourn the death of my childhood but haven’t allowed myself the right to do so. Being that the case, I get stuck in my healing processes. I do that with the murder of my brother and the sudden death of my late fiancé. I get stuck in my healing because I refuse to open up and let the sun shine in. I allow the expectations of others hold me to an ideal that is larger than me. According to my friends and family, I am not allowed to be human. They don’t say it in those words but when my humanity peeks through they say but I hold you to a higher standard. I expect more from you.

 

Enough of all that… I am writing this to say most of us need to let the sun shine in more. I kind of laugh when I meet people that say they love the darkness. I don’t laugh to belittle them or to make light their case. I laugh because we love what we know or what we have convinced ourselves we deserve. So many of us walk around feeling as if we are not worthy of love or light. Maybe it is because we have gotten so accustomed to the darkness around us that the very thing that keeps us bound becomes the thing we love because we are used to it. It doesn’t require effort. It doesn’t trick us. We know it well so we stay there.

 

We do that in relationships, jobs, in so many aspects of life where we settle because it is simply easier. It doesn’t make us feel good but we haven’t felt good in a long time anyway. We shut down, close the blinds, and stew in the absence and void of the light. It takes efforts to open the blinds up, pull back the glass door, go outside and get on a swing.  That is the hard part putting forth the effort to let the sun shine in. I would say letting the sun shine in stand for anything good and everything God. It requires effort on your part. It requires changing some thought patterns and moving out of a comfort zone but the rewards… The rewards are infinite.

 

Today I let the sun shine in and I felt great. I felt loved. I felt full and whole. The pain that plagues me often, melted away. Gratitude filled my heart melting the anger I bout with. Peace cured my soul of the resentment I sometimes feel at those that let me down.

I felt alive and free and it all started with letting the sun shine in. One small step changed the course of my day. I pray each of you will get in the sun today in one form or another.

I love you all. Be Well

 

And open them blinds up…. There is more to come… Open up the blinds so you can see….

Author's Note

I havent proofed it yet..