Panic Attacks

 

As I turn the pages

In the chapters of my heart

So afraid of my ending

Before I ever start

 I have all these words inside me

Sometimes ripping me apart

Tearing me at my seams

To release the dark

Apprehension sets the pace

That never let’s me start the race

So afraid to make mistakes

Even afraid of being great

Scared that maybe I’m too late

For what

When it’s all up to me

To walk into my own destiny

The words of life that flow through me

Are deeper than any ocean

Wider than any sea

I don’t understand

 What’s holding me back

Grown woman having panic attacks

Afraid of coming in last

Also afraid of tapping into the emotions of my past

I don’t want to live in the past

I need to just let it all go

You know

Let it all flow

So the healing can show and begin

As I try to mend

The scars of sorrow still aching deep within

Failure isn’t my best friend

But it seems he always has a hand to lend

So sick of playing let’s pretend

I want to make my dreams real

Walk out on faith

I know the drill

Sometimes reality gets too real

Leaving me empty not knowing how to feel

The pain of disappointments so hard to kill

Filled with all the let downs of lies

From family and friends that have left my side

From relationships that never were

Makes my eyes fill with tears

And start to blur

Dreams filled with hopes

Of a better way

A better day

But I keep running away

Because I am so afraid

I have so much to say

So why am I the one running away?

I’m love filled

So much until it seems my heart will explode

If I don’t find a release to let all my love go

But sometimes it seems that it’s too much

For this world to hold

So I shut myself down and turn to cold

But the Light shines through my aching soul

Most times leaving me no control

I have to let my love light show

In turn it causes me to grow

So I can walk out on my own

And give the world a brand new song

One like the angels do sing

About the Lord our Savior and King

 I must somehow find a way

To say the words He has instilled in me to say

For I know that I will never on this earth find true rest

Until I grow enough to past this test.

Reviews

[R J Askew]

The scars of sorrow still aching deep within ... catches my eye in the way you have turned personal angst into a strong poem. Great vigour and a passionate urgency in this personal call to achieve. I don't know if you know that image that used to be on the French bank notes of the woman waving th flag of the Republic ... well that image filled my mind as I read this. Not sure if she is on the euro notes...and can't remember the artist, ach!