Crazy or Confused

Holding back my tears

 not quite sure

 what I am waiting on

Having a hard time

 accepting

you're gone

Maybe I am holding on

and letting go

 of this flow

would mean letting go of you

 I don't know

but I  do know

that I can't get you out of my head

 and my head out of the clouds

and the clouds out of my stare.

I walk in a daze

or is this a haze

or a fog of you

gone

 I sing break up songs

and love songs

and read poems

 that can say what I can't right now

 and I pause on yesterday

and wait in Memory Lane

for your touch...

am I wishing too much...

 or not enough...

 and what does

the absence of your touch

 do to me?

I grieve

as if you have passed from this earth

 but your still here

 but not here with me.

I selfishly

wish for more time

 and scratch the record of you and I

so that it skips back to where we are together...

skips to where we make love...

 skips to your I love you's in my ear...

skips to you saying you're my home ...

skips to never alone ..

Again and again..

 I whisper I love yous in the wind.

I whisper where are you nows.....

do you hear me some how ?

through the clouds....

Where my head seems to stay...

did you hear I love you a million times today?

 I say it as I breathe...

I still feel you in me...

I say it as I breathe...

I still feel you in me...

I dream walk and sleep talk

 it seems to work out better that way

so I wont be afraid...

Afraid to move on..

afraid to hold on

now that you are gone...

 I stay alone but still with you...

Crazy or Confused?

 I don't know which

but I know I stay

where you and I

still exist

and spoken moments are vivid in my mind...

oh that I could turn back the hands of time...

Lay with you the rest of my life...

tomorrow is blind

and I am too...

my vision is blurred

 by the memory of you...

I hear you speak as I shower

and hold me close as I stare at flowers

 long dead just like our romance

 and I live to love you 

 and resurrect you and I

and resurrect me...

guess some things are just meant to be...

or meant not to be...

 I spell your name in the stars

and put them in my heart

I hold on like we are not apart

but my heart breaks as if we are...

Crazy or Confused?

I don't know which...

but I know I stay

where you and I

still exist...

where I live in your kiss

and I feel your finger tips

trace the shape of my brows

and you gaze at me as if life

is found in my eyes somehow...

I remember you stating your fears

but saying they wouldn't keep you

from staying near

 remember

how you made that clear..

But then you said you were too far gone emotionally..

you needed an anchor to pull you back from me.

 you said that your focus was no longer clear

inside I shed a tear

 that was tragic to hear

that your fears

would keep us from growing as one...

So I now live for what once was

 where on the porch swing we swore our love...

where time matters not

because we aren't lost

but still holding hands

making future plans....

Crazy or Confused?

I don't know which...

 but I know I stay

where you and I

still exist...