Dark Laughter

Facing the past can hurt

 

Blue lights in my eyes.

Blaring sirens in my mind.

I beg for peace but I find none...

Escaping a past that keeps me held hostage.

I thought I had run so fast.

Each step making knees sore,

And calves burn so.

I am distressed as I choke.

Human indiscretions created lies in me,

Breaking the bones of my soul.

Letting go fumbles my understanding

For I have let go a thousand times,

But these things cling to me,

Like skin to bones.

Dark laughter escapes but joy is far away.

And I cant run anymore~

Reviews

[Steffi]

Good write.
Though to me the flow is a little off..maybe changing up the word choice and usgage in some places will help the choppiness that makes it hard for the reader to get pulled into the piece.

[Kaden Sylvers]

Beautifully written poem, esp. the end..."But these things cling to me,

Like skin to bones.

Dark laughter escapes but joy is far away.

And I cant run anymore"

There are some places where you might want to edit word choice.. .stronger word to replace "run", maybe? Most of the word choice is strong and the message is clear. I esp. like "breaking the bones of my soul" and how the soul, physically, doesn't have bones, but it is a metaphor & gives a sense that the soul is strong, or used to be, but is something that can be broken, & is not necesarily always in tact.

"I thought I had run so fast."....maybe reword it? awkward gramatically