Sister's Lament

In Loving Memory Of My Baby Brother... Eugene Collins Clayton Jr. He left here May 15th of 03... I miss him still...

I look in the mirror

And I see your eyes sometimes

Like you're peering back out at me

Through mines

Same brown shade glowing

Changing to your tone

That drove the  ladies crazy

Seeing your skin

I catch a glimpse of you in me

Little brother you were so cute

Somebody was always watching

Wanting to get to know you

Your daughter looks just like you

Still walking on her tiptoes

Just like you

so smooth

Another Christmas time is upon us

But I got her I promise

I won't let her forget her daddy

Crazy when your eyes catch mine

In the mirror

I smile a little

but then my mind

Travels back in time

May 15^th 2003

I wonder did you have a chance to blink

As barrel of gun touched your head

Brains on the floor

Through the back of your head

Did you know you were dead?

As you went to hug your homeboy goodbye

You couldn't have known he would take your life

Did you hear the other bullets fly?

He went on spree

Shot Marlon three times

Zasia lay on the floor

Jaydon dying

All your friends trying

To get away from the bullets

7 people shot that day

But only 3 walk away

Where were you when all this took place?

Did you see me, Momma, and John break?

That was hard to take

Dead on arrival

And the comfort was supposedly

you didn't feel a thing

The coroner said you went straight to sleep

But you had to see that steel

How did it feel?

Pointed at your perfect head

Someone once said

Three years was long enough to accept your death

It isn't about acceptance

You have no choice but to accept what you can't change

But when I look at me I see your face

And they don't see you in the mirror like I do

Your eyes in my eyes

Your features on my face

And I wonder did you know

That was your last breath you were taking

Did you even get to blink?

Was there even a moment to think

before your brain began to leak

on floors and hit walls

I wonder sometimes

That is why I laugh when loves say goodbye

Damn if I mourn any man more than you

Little brother I know you feel it too

Plus you wouldn't want me crying over you no way

I can hear you say

But what you crying for

Smiling and getting on my last nerve

You passed too soon

Collins

Life aint the same with out you

But I keep on

I keep on

Living

Keep on giving

And remembering

I am making it through this

Or trying to

Your big sister still aches

But I don't go here too often

Got to accept your shell in that coffin

I know you're in a better place

Just sometimes I catch your face in mine

Doesn't scare me

Just makes we want to reach through

The looking glass and hold you once more

You can get on my nerves now if you want too

You can even use my deodorant

You don't have to put it back

Where you got it

We can pretend you bought it

And you can hold 20 dollars

I will never see again

That is what big sisters are for

And I won't fuss so much anymore

Yeah I know

You are resting in peace

I got to let you be

But I see your face when I look at me

And I miss you terribly

 

Reviews

[Mr. Deft Diction]

Damn, yo. This doesn't get a review from me.

You can't review pain.

My condolences

[stork]

Hi Choosing Life,

Your tribute to yout brother is deeply moving and beautiful! You struggle to make sense of why he was shot and what he might have felt as he fell to the gunshot.


The mirror no only reflects your thoughts but also evokes your likeness to him and the ties you shared and perhaps took for granted ( as all sibling do - quarreling - "getting on the nerves"). All this is hauntingly remembered. Your grief and struggle to take in the implications of his death - the painful physical absence, the hopes he must have had and your family's annual celebrations, the young child he leaves behind - all are poignantly captured.

Your unflinching descriptions of his brutal murder and the "spree" the killer went on, convey the pain and anguish, you suffer.

These lines are very moving:

"Just sometimes I catch your face in mine

Doesn't scare me

Just makes we want to reach through

The looking glass and hold you once more..."



I admire your courage in writing about this deeply sad loss. I'm sure your powerful outporuing will touch many of your readers.

With deep sympathy for your loss and pain.


stork