Longing For Her Home

 

Since her youth she’s been searching

For somewhere over the rainbow

 And the ruby red slippers you click to find your way home

Looking for a happily ever after

In arms meant to protect

 Instead finding neglect

As a young body learns to accept

Violations

Coming from grown men’s hands

Grown men’s eyes

Cause her to despise her skin

Hiding from being pretty

She watches her mother die alive

Both eyes open and a crack pipe

Seeing men’s fists break mommy’s bones

Not understanding the confusion

 That comes with being grown

Placed on such fragile shoulders

Feeling so old and alone

Trusting God knows why

Daddies say goodbye

And don’t look back for years

 She grows into a woman

 Long before breasts adorn her chest

 Taking on her mother’s role

Trying her best to comfort her mommy’s broken soul

Watching her mommy love men that only subtract

Never give anything back

She sleeps with bedroom door locked

And longs to get lost in Barbie’s dream world

Disney makes life so lovely

But she has no Cinderella story

And no birds

Sing on her shoulders

Real life hits her and she gets older

Still that little girl longing for a dad

Longing for the mom she never had

 She didn’t know as an adult it would hold her back

Making choices based on dysfunction

 She became locked in some cold man’s dungeon

 Like her mother

A puppet on strings

While the man she loves now fists cause her screams

 From her face she bleeds

And believes

He must love her somewhere way down deep

Learning to live with him while he cheats

Taking it while he beats not only her flesh but soul

Not realizing how far behind she had fallen

Picking up goodbyes like stones tied around her neck

Hopes get replaced with regret

And she hasn’t made it over the rainbow yet

 Still knowing love has its place

 A determined smile on her face

She scrambles trying to win the race

 Still waiting for a charming prince

Wanting to be crowned a king

The little girl inside the grown woman still dreams

Willing to give up everything to know love that doesn’t sting

To erase the childhood screams

Hearing there is no place like home

But never knowing

Since she has never had one

Only in God does her life count at all

Losing count of the tears that fall

Wondering are real things just like fairytales

Over when the book closes

And her glasses made of roses broke

She chokes on the in between

Rubbing her eyes afraid to give up on dreaming

 Wondering where is the meaning

 Behind

All those she loves leaving

 Picking over her heart

Until nothing is left

She has to die and resurrect

Each piece falls in line

While she feels left behind

 Wondering if she lets down her hair

Would any one be there?

A rescue mission abandoned

Her home has never fully been presented

And some days she resents it

 That the only love she has ever known

Comes from her alone

And each day the little girl grows more restless

As the grown woman attacks adult stresses

She prays to know what rest is

And happily ever after fades away

As the hair on her head begins to gray

And she breaks her back everyday

Building her own self up

Still expecting to meet Love someday

Wondering when the flying carpet will bring her in

To land in her own Aladdin

To find the home she has never known

 But always dreamed~