LoveStory

Just a sappy post for my anniversary.

I knew I loved you early into our relationship. I had no idea what it meant to be in love. I saw posts of adoration from people who had experienced this feeling before but I thought they were all overreacting. I saw posts filled with pain from people who had been in love and I thought they were just afraid of change, afraid to miss the person they spent all of their time with. I had tried to write about love before but the words held no meaning, falling on an empty audience, people who knew I had never been in love.

I knew that I loved you pretty soon but I still did not know what it meant to be in love. I had never experienced what so many people had strived to capture in words, tv programs, media. I did not understand the hearts someone had in their eyes or the overwhelming desire to give anything you had for another person. I did not understand what the fuss was about.

I don't think I could tell you when or how or even why. But one day, our relationship changed. Suddenly, I knew what people meant when they described that warm feeling you get when you see your partner. I knew the fear you had of losing the one you care so much about. I wanted the hearts and the sappy love poems and the romantic dates. I wanted everything you had ever wanted because more than anything, i wanted you to be happy. I understood the desire to give up everything just to make you smile. More than anything, I understood the fear.

I was more afraid to lose you than I had ever thought was possible. I was terrified that you would decide that I was not what you were looking for. There was something inside me telling me that you could not possibly feel the way that I feel about you. I was happy to love you and amazed that you loved me, too. But I was afraid to be in love with you. Caring for someone more than they could ever care about you leaves you in a vulnerable place and I'm not good at being vulnerable. Each time we had a few moments of tension, I was convinced that you would realize the mistake you made when telling me you love me.

The day you said that you don't believe someone needs to love themself before they can truly love someone else was the day I realized that our relationship was true. You did not know it, but the moment those words left your lips it was as if everything made sense again. I felt, for the first time, that you really understood what I had been struggling with for so long. I knew right then that you were just as in love with me as I was in love with you.

It may be a long time before I can love myself but knowing that someone as amazing as you loves me in a way I've never been loved before was the jump-start I needed to really teach myself to live for me and to love myself as much as I love others. There may never be a day where I would be willing to do more for myself than I would be willing to do for you, but I know that I will be making small steps in the right direction. I want you to be happy and I want to share that happiness with you.

Being in love has changed my life and how I put things into perspective. Meeting you has been one of the most fortunate encounters I've ever had. And I just want for you to know that you mean the world to me and no matter where our futures take us, you will always be an important person in my story.