BTW, I am the anachronistic caveman.

The genteel dinosaur

The gentlemanly dinosaur eats bushes,

    eats herbs,
        eats bugs,
            eats people,
and everything else that comes its way.

However, it does not ever eat other dinosaurs�"
    no, no, no;
this, you should know!
Not even those not yet of its acquaintance,
because it is very polite
    and always attentive
        towards them.

Righteous. Fair. Wise beyond its years.
    Extinct before its age.
Paternally warm towards the help,
    yet never condescending.

This amiable dinosaur is very gentle,
    very gallant.
Clean and decent.
Careful of its health,
    hygiene,
        and appearance;
this has been unanimously accepted
    as a matter of paleontological record.

You’d better know and behold:
it always flosses after scavenging a carcass,
and it bathes at the pond
every next moon phase
in the unworthy blood of its unlearned rivals,
    and occasionally,
        in a pit of tar.

It is mindful of its words, thoughts and actions�"
    so it is said and asserted.
Respectful of morals and good manners.
    Early riser.
    Hard-working and homely.
Handsome and comely.
    Constant and true.
        Dreadful when famished.
Regular visitor and benefactor of the temple.
Mit allen preußischen Tugenden ausgestattet
    and with some regal manners
finely acquired
    in its worldwide travels,
        conscientious studies,
            painstaking meditations,
        and through its own careful creation,
    brightful illumination,
and revolutionary patented invention,
    and you must cherish and follow its example.

Saurischian theropod,
    as claimed by the current consensus
        of the scientific community.
Registered to vote.
Master of ceremonies of every roast
    and toast
        of town and country,
host of the débutante ball,
godfather to every newborn hatchling,
Beloved neighbour to the local gentry,
    if you ask around,
        this is what you would be told.

Almsgiving.
Diligent fundraiser.
Twice-born householder.
Active and respected member of the party and the community�"
        that is its reputation.
Sponsor to the local little league team.
Benefactor of your favourite charity.
Alpha leader of the pack.
Type specimen for the genus.

From the most genteel nesting grounds
    of this noble land,
closely affiliated to the beloved sovereign
from whom it devotedly and deservedly inherits
privileges and prerogatives
for the weight and welfare of the crown
and preservation of the empire,
    so it is its rightful claim,
        which you should proclaim
            to the winds�"
north and south,
    east and west,
        here and there,
wherever you may be found,
    watch out�"
feeding, mating, nesting, laying, brooding, hatching, fledging times,
        and all seasons equal�"
for the apex protector of this territory
    makes its rounds.

Primary factor of the colonies,
custodian of the good truthful faith,
equal among equals without compare,
self-evident is the veracity of its allure.
Patron of museums and collections,
guiding-light of the Wunderkammer.
    Doubtless impeccable and discreet.
Board member of the Country Club.
Ichiban connoisseur�"
    if you know what I mean.
Civil and conscious.
Gracious and refined.
Spreads joie de vivre
    everywhere
        it makes itself available
            for admiration and appreciation.

Purportedly an ornithoscelid.
Feathered and scaled.
Barbed tongue and armored skull.
Well-read.
Well-informed
about world issues
and important causes,
    it has been reported.
Well-travelled.
World citizen.
Well-endowed,
    it has been acknowledged.

Never prone to be caught in a compromising situation
after a lively soirée in Yucatán.
Bon vivant, such a gentleman.
Poster child of le bon ton du beau monde.
A bit posh, but approachable.
    Dapper.
        Good tipper,

            I will let you know.

Law-abiding citizen,
God-fearing,
    trembling,
        shaking,
            quaking,
                rock‘n’roll rebel dissenter,
life-affirming coach and beloved mentor.

Universelle Entfaltung des Kulturgeistes,
Behagen unserer Zivilisation,
Flut des ozeanisches Gefühls,
Überwindung unserer zukünftigen Zeiten,
Auswicklung der überteutonischen Macht,
Entstehung des ultimativen
Verkörperung des Absoluten,
    pillar of society,
charismatic crowd-pleaser,
hard-hitting trend-setter,
    salt of the earth,
        venerated fossil,

            relished relic.

Leading Member of Parliament,
Seal of Justice,
        gifted with prophecy,
    envy of the stars,
        breaker of all hearts.
Believed to be the Original Gangster
and definitively the GOAT�"
    for real,
        yo.

Principled.
    Firm.
        Charming.
High-octane fuel of our tanks,
primus inter pares
    without match.
Father of a nation,
High Priest of the most arcane rites
    at the overseeing Grand Lodge,
        holding the keys to secrets of science
             in its bloody and sharp claws,
attention au témoignage !

The treasure cast
    within volcanic ash,
huile de coude
    in every task
        and endeavour,
n'oubliez jamais,
    le savoir, c'est le pouvoir.

It extends a welcoming
survival opportunity
to its fittest potential mating partners�"
    you must surely know and have already heard!
Incarnation of the long-awaited Rizz.
What an eucrocopodian catch!
What an avemetatarsalian heartthrob!
Each one may think
    “I wish I could call it mine.”
Mais oui? Bonne chance!

It behaves in a friendly, collegial manner
towards other members of its species,
and it is kindly generous to those taxa
    competing against it
        in the struggle for life.
Eh bien, c’la vie, il n'y en a pas d'autre.
Possessor of le feu sacré,
it seeks their explicit consent
    before consuming their young.
Noblesse oblige,
it disposes mercifully of the weak,
    who gratefully submit to
        its humble piety
            and modest teeth.

There is no one who would claim it is a cannibal,
although sometimes�"
    and prematurely�"
there may be some impertinent caveman
    who, with good reason,
        qu’il casse du sucre sur le dos,
        qu’il cherche la petite bête,
could call it an anthropophage
    behind its back.

Well, of course!
    Ça ne mange pas de pain!
How could it not be?

You must know
that there is no possibility
    of misunderstanding
about this�"mind you, don’t take it wrong.
Make no mistake about it, please.
If you think otherwise,
you should look carefully
    and see
that you may well correct yourself.
    Watch and learn.
Sapere aude! Be enlightened.
Strive to keep yourself informed.
Allow yourself to be illuminated:

This well-educated, formal and sober dinosaur
is a jolly man-eater�"
    as were its humble father and mother,
    as were all the members of its household and guild,
    of its caste and lot,
much to their honour,
    and to serve you well�"
        at the dinner table on time in formal attire,
        with the full good China and silverware.

As the good Lord intended�"
    all when due,
in its rightful place
    and in the best company.

Sixty-five million years before the present.

                            Amen.

Roar!