Therapeutic Free Write

just needing to get thoughts out in some form. it's eating me up.

dreams

hold me captive

to my fears

held behind bars

of tears and trembling lips

it wasn't supposed to be like this

but the visions of my night

bled into daylight

and i am facing the demons

head on

a disagreeable relationship

they said

a black shirt was all i saw

no hurt felt or presence feared

just a color and a smirk and an attempt

to dissect my dream and make coffee

2 lumps of sugar stuck in my throat

and i'm speechless

guilty as charged

i run from my deceitful past

only to collide head on

why did i work so hard to be so different,

when i became the same me i no longer wanted to be?

and the dream haunts me

spiraling staircases that lead to nothingness

i traveled alone and on no mission to accomplish no-thing

but i was traveling

up up up and away from everyone

even him

it seemed as if i was heading to Him

but not even Him was in my psyche

I was playing

everything was carefree

a joke

and nothing serious enough to get me to care about who i was inconveniencing

games and sleep

that was my agenda

and as i laid down to shut my eye

destruction was my pillow

a spider of the widow hue

orange and white

and valiant

and bold

and hellish in all it's stature

came to devour little ole me

and me

and i was no match

and dreams became realities

and i am no match for the tragedies that are before me

running from truth

and landing on traps of secrets

isolating myself from loved ones

loved ones following me to each level

but not welcomed

wandering and wondering

thought not of 

but wanted near

rudely asked to wait

for me to get myself together

i travel up up up and away

alone

and it's not what i want

but my actions say different

it's not what i want

but i come not down to reality

up in the clouds

where only i can feel my destined breeze

but those below see my distant free fall to my untimely demise

spiritually - all spiritually

symbolic for my now

i failed to dissect

pray up and protect myself from the enemy

tied tightly around his little finger

i became his prey

and bare bite wounds where he tried to devour

and soon there comes an hour of redemption

or

division

and i pray

my prayers are not too late

i pray

God's mercy is not too jaded from my misuse

i pray

the hour is full of clear pupils

and teachings of righteousness

to make right the etchings of my left

i pray forgiveness not bereft of a hearty meal

and have enough strength to endure the moment

i pray

for dreams to wake me up

and spiders to die and dry up

and authority be back in the hands of the living

and not those destined for fiery swimming pools 

vacationing no more in my life

i pray

time, truth, and love

make it all right

again

 

Author's Note

just a free form write off the top of my head. i often do this as a writing exercise to get thoughts flowing before writing an actual poem. let me know your initial reaction.

Reviews

[Everett DeValle]

I Love it Tinasha...how you free flowed it...I do these same exercises with a few poet friends, oh well, I use too...I just do it on my own. I enjoyed how you rifled each line from this stream of conscience. Superb work.