Tug of War

love....grrr (or the thought of it)

...and so we play a round of

tug of war

 

you pull

              /

                   I pull

 

never moving gracefully

in the same direction

 

          you push

I push

 

we come crashing into each other

Lips First

Love aches

Battle wounds

 

but the war is not over

for tomorrow the sun rises in the east

like the day before

and you rise

yet again

to pierce my heart to the core

 

may the Best Lover Win

and may the other suffer

a long

and lonesome

life

Reviews

[Chaoscaine]

Interesting use of space and capitalization; but a little random. These two are powerful tools that can make or break a good poem. You have here good writing emotionally- it certainly calls to the audience and makes the point come across. Now, take it to the next step and use the tools you have. For instance, you can use 'You pull' and make it you PULL, to stress the force of the jerk. Using that tactic could also be accompanied with the view, so use you PULL on the right side of the screen, then i PULL on the left. Then, reserve everything for pushing, so it will give a mental image (the '/' is for italics, for movement purpose); YOU /push/ on the left and I /push/ on the right. Look over your poem and check for other cool effects. I would love to see it after it's edited; I'm sure it will be gorgeous.