Green eyed monster

Inside me lives a monster
from time to time it raises
it's ugly head

I'm not proud of this monster
in fact I am very much ashamed

I feel like I have no control over it
it comes out regardless if I want it to or not

It seeks to destroy all that I love
all that I hold dear

My monster is green
it lives in the darkest part of me
it surfaces when I am weak

It takes over my soul
so much so I am no longer recognized
by those who love me

Creating doubt and paranoia
turns me into someone I don't want to be

I have lived with this monster for so long
and I am so very tired of it
But try as I might I cannot make it leave

I do not envy those it seeks to devour
all I can do is appologize and hope for forgiveness

So here it lives in the darkest part of me
laying in wait to rear it's ugly head

Reviews

[Neville]

now that aint a nice feeling at all, is it folks. still gonna give ya top marks tho.. just in case ya turn nasty...

N.

[Tina Louise UK]

lol thank you :) x

[Christopher Norton]

I can relate. I'm only now coming to terms with the true depravity of this thing that wore me like a costume. Some demon, a perverse vision of myself which I believed to be me. The devastation it wrought has been all consuming, leaving me with nothing but the realization of what it was I've been fighting all my life. But it has brought a new perspective and clarity. Being reduced to nothing means I can start over, without the veil of that dark, self hatred; while keeping the wisdom of a lifetime of struggle.

I feel like you probably understand that. I don't know what made me come on this site after years. I forgot I had stuff online. But since adopting this new perspective, I have been receiving all these confirmations, little synchronicities that tell me I'm not alone. Your poem was a message from the universe that I needed to hear. Thank you.

[Tina Louise UK]

Too many of us have to live with this monster, I still am, it has gotten easier over the years, mainly because those around me have learned not to feed it. Thank you for your soul bearing review...you are indeed not alone x

[R.E. Ray]

I think we've only known, or maybe we've been such a monster. I think it comes not only from past trauma or pain, but caring. If it's true that someone can "care too much," it's in the "green monster's" DNA, though it often projects as insecurity and weakness. Like this one very much and the photo.

[Tina Louise UK]

True, thank you :) x

[R.E. Ray]

You’re welcome.

[Antoñyo]

Courageous, courageous piece I enjoyed just now. Wish I read such mirrored writing more often.
Thanks for sharing

[Tina Louise UK]

Thank you :) x

[Relic]

Depression does that. I for one have never known you to be a monster. Just sayin. :)

[Tina Louise UK]

Ahh thank you dearie :) x