Introduction

Introduction

 

He pulled the long, slender sword from it’s sheath. The blade was made from the finest elven steel. His sword was named Istonul, the light in the darkness. It looked too sleder to even be a sword, but people underestimated the sword for it’s size. A long green line ran down the double edged blade. The sword had originated in the first age of the world, wielded by the great elf warrior Gildur.

 

“You have chosen a battle you cannot hope to win!” his opponent roared with confidence.

 

The elf stood motionless, giving no sign that he had heard the man at all. The familiar weight of the silver blade and the other weapons on his person made him confident. The blood-red dagger slung at his side was curved and deadly. The black ash bow strung with the finest elf hair and his quiver of swan feather fletched arrows were pressed to his back.

 

He must get to his destination soon, so this robber claiming that the bridge was his would have to fall swiftly. He watched his clumsy opposition with a hint of humor. The armor he wore was laughable, obviously stolen from some poor soldier, which on him was many sizes too big. His broadsword was too small for the man, this would be fun.

 

He slowly advanced on his target, holding his sword point to the ground. His attacker lunged at him, aiming a slash at his side. The elf easily deflected the blow and whipped his sword the man’s exposed leg. Blood seeped from the wound and the man slowly realized how skilled the elf he was facing was. His natural elf swiftness allowed him to block the killing thrust meant for the heart. He sidestepped to the man’s exposed back and thrust the sword into his back.

 

The man slid to the ground. He looked into the elf’s face and said with his dying breath the word 
“Gildor.”

 

Hmm, I must be more known than I thought. I’ll have to be more careful. Gildor thought as cleaned his sword on the grass. He slid his sword back into his sheath and remounted his blood-bay horse Tycra. Gildor had raised Tycra from foal to full grown stallion.

 

He spoke quietly into Tycra’s ear and the horse sprung off toward his destination.                       

 

Reviews

[Lorelee Tate]

An interesting start. I have some suggestions for you.

First of all, the name Gildor. You might not be aware of this, but there is a character in the Lord of the Rings trilogy by the name of Gildor Inglorion. Unfortunately, this character did not appear in the movies. I would advise you not to use the name Gildor because of this. It's not that I don't like the name, it's just that it's already been used in one of the most famous fantasy stories of all time. One thing I would recommend doing before you decide firmly on a name is to Google it and see if it's already been used in a published work.

All right, moving on to the writing itself... Gildor isn't initially introduced with his name. Why? The reader will find out who he is just a few paragraphs later, so why not just give his name from the start? That way your reader won't be left wondering whom they're dealing with until they make it down the page and realize, "Oh, his name's Gildor." Your reader is automatically going to feel more connected with the character if they know his name.

Another thing: What is his destination? Is it really necessary that the reader doesn't know this from the beginning? If it is, then that's fine. If it's not, then, like Gildor's name, why not just tell what it is and move on?

There was plenty of description of the sword, but not much of anything else. What does Gildor look like? What does the other man look like? If this man is small, like the paragraph about his armor implies, then why isn't he afraid of Gildor? Also, what does the scenery look like? All there is about the setting is that it's near a bridge. What kind of bridge? Wood, stone? Does it cross a small creek or a raging river? The reader needs to know where they are and what they're seeing in order to suspend disbelief.

A quick note: There are a few places where the point of view switches between Gildor and the man. Whenever the man realizes something or looks at something or is confident about something, the chapter is now in his point of view. The same goes for Gildor. I wouldn't recommend switching points of view very often, as the reader might get confused as to which character is doing and thinking what.

Apart from these things, the only problems I noticed had to do with grammar and punctuation. I'll cover those in notes.

I hope you don't take these suggestions too personally. Whether you listen to them or not is up to you.