It Just Ain't Right (senryu)

One life, tormented

There is no future; no hope

Her children are gone

Author's Note

For Kim Love's competition

I had decided not to join, but then the Fates put this piece into my head, must've been a sign

My dear friend Truman S. Booth has informed me that because this does not deal with nature it is not a Haiku but a Senryu. Thank you Truman :)

Reviews

[KimLove "The Beautiful ..]

I can't make up my mind is this sad because she lost her children to the streets they where victims of violence? Or is it sad because they have moved on with their life and she just feels like nothing without them? Either way my friend it's sad, make me want to cry for her... :(

[Jasmine]

Brilliant. Why say something with a thousand words when one or two will do.

[Cherrie Palmer]

nothing worse than hopelessness, good job

[Ruth]

Brilliant Senryu too!
They can punch so much harder, I find at times, this is so saddening but full circle and well written love
xx

[unknown]

Wow such an emotionally packed short poem with lots of thoughts to be pictured.

[Aidz]

very kewl write... powerful piece

[Poetic-Theorem]

Wonderful senryu, these brevity forms are extremely hard to pen, the haiku and senryu to me are some of the most difficult restricted forms, you packed a lot in its parameters. Well done! David

[MysticMirage]

True indeed. Also another thing about Senryu/Haiku is that the title is usually the first line put in brackets, it's something conventional amongst classic writers of the form however newer poets specifically post-modern ones use this form to break conventions thus the format of 5/7/5 syllable count is not used amongst them either. (Sorry for the long one up there, when I get started on literature it's hard to make me stop :P )

However back to your poem, it is a pretty sad, yet we all know this is what happened way too many times to many women. I like the compact use of words; 17 syllables telling a whole tale. Also it is a great example of imagism. Well done indeed!

[Dream Weaver]

Three lines of heartrending sorrow..

[Sukriti Suki]

Deep...deep emotion.

[sarah]

This is really sad but an amazing haiku