Cavalry

Despair cannot win

Cavalry

 

 

 

I have been beaten

 

I have been abused

 

My heart lies in a million pieces

In a million places

Broken so many times it is no more than a fine powder

Victim to the wind

Victimized

It has always been victimized

 

In my naivety I always thought -- no KNEW-- that things would improve

Knew my life would get better

Knew this darkness would end

 

But how can hope live

How can faith live

How can love live

When they are starved?

These things are our sustenance

But do they not need sustained?

 

Yes

 

They do

 

But you don’t realize it until they’re starving

Or they’ve already starved

 

I tried hard to believe

To hope

To survive

 

They say it’s always darkest before dawn

I believed them

But now I know my night is everlasting

There is no dawn for me

 

My spirit was betrayed

By my own life

And now it lies dying

And I know

There no saving it

 

Through this shroud of darkness

I always had hope

That I would be saved

Brought to the light

But I see the truth now

 

 

 

 

Ain’t no cavalry comin’

Author's Note

Sorry guys, I know I promised I wouldn't subject you to any more of my poetry, but what can I say; I'm a liar! haha
Hope you enjoy this, if not just keep in mind that it's way better than the cheesey piece of crap I ended up with on the first go round of the 'no cavalry' idea
Also, I'm not suicidal or depressed (I'm actually somewhat cheerful ^_^ ) but hopefully by the end of the poem you thought I was. A good writer can sympathize/empathize with walks of lifes that are not our own, so that when our characters are in those walks we can step into their shoes and make it seem authentic. Hopefully I did that here!
Honest opinions as always :)

Reviews

[Valette]

Hey- I love your lies!
This was a great poem =D
I really liked the different emphisis you used on the words- I think you used everything but changing the font size- bold, itallic, color!
The red color really put an emphesis on those words, and the red boldface type you used to open and close was very decisive and difinitive.
You did a great job with the cry-me-a-river theme.
(but there's lots of that to be found)
Next, try someone really young; someone full of life, guileless and exhuberant- this technique would be great to explore a variety of personas! I would love to see more of your poems, promises or no.
Great work!!

[EMF]

Don't appologise for writing poetry. If I could I would. You can so you should. Firstly, the overemphasis of some of the words is intrusive. The poem is strong enough on its own not to need them. Secondly it would benefit from a little gramatical editing. for example, instead of 'no KNEW' simply, 'No, knew' it won't shift the emphasis but makes it a little tighter. A little trimming wouldn't go amiss at the end of a couple of stanza. Leave the audience creating their own follow through.

Having said all of this, I like the poem and see it's strength. Just remember that I give only my opinion. Doesn't mean that I'm right or wrong. But whatever you do, don't stop writing poetry or prose. You have a talent

[Kevin Horsley]

Nothing wrong with poetry as another medium to express a though or even a characterisation.

Very bleak piece, why does the character continue to breathe I wonder - because it still has hope.
Once hope is gone, there is nothing left.

[Aidz]

and wots wrong wiff poetry??? :P

No its a kewl write so keep it happening

[Babieegirl]

Well. maybe it's destined for you to keep writing poetry!! (= LOOOL, besides they're veeery good. and i love them . (=

[nothingnothingforgetfor..]

Its wonderful xD like i said last time you are a poet whether you want to be or not. Love it, realy really do.