I did prefer your first poem, but this is not bad.
Repetition of a phrase adds strength to a poem and this is no exception.
Some small spelling errors - last stanza - glorious for example.
Again, flows fairly well. With a little more time the kinks can be ironed out.
I liked it! The imagery was strong. Sunsets have always been a personal favorite of mine because with them comes the promise of a new hope and a new day (thus your last line, or so i think). Take confidence in your poetry, it's good.
MKLINE
No not worse! You can't find your niche until you experiment. I can't tell you how many poems I've written and later chucked them away. You yourself will be at times your worst critic. This writing it beautiful, I see no regression here............
i really like this, it has very good descriptions and i like how u ended each stanza the same way. oh ya i just added u so i decided to check out ur writing.
I'd suggest ditching the "sunrise" bit at the end. Just me, though.
I wouldn't say regression. I liked your first more, but that doesn't mean it's lesser in anyway.
Poetry isn't something that gets better every time you do it--it fluctuates. Sometimes one hits right on, sometimes not; but then again, what constitutes "hitting right on"? I'll tell ya: the opinions of others, which can vary, obviously.
Is still a good poem. You have the poetic spark. Some just don't, some simply do.
Wow... This is actually exactly what I needed to read right at this moment. It is inspiring and encouraging to read. Thank you so much for writing this. The only bit of critiquing that I have to offer is that you mis-spelled glorious at the end. Otherwise, this is wonderful. Keep it up.
Ahhh...Back and forth swings the pendulum and I do understand the feeling all too well, but do not discount this piece for one second! For with some tweaking here and there, omit and add as you will and soon you will soon find the piece will more aptly speak that which you wished. For me I enjoyed the sunset; I saw deep inside my minds eye where beginnings are endings and endings are beginnings. Nice second shot!
Wonderful thoughts here. You did very well connecting each symbol to "life," not in a cheesy way, but in a beautiful, poetic way. I liked your first one better (because I'm a meter-and-rhyme freak), but this was very well done. No problems at all. Great job.
My name is TJ and I'm still just your typical aspiring author :)
Follow me on twitter @tj_coles
And for some short stories in 140 characters or less follow @timmystales
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