A Little Bit of Me

A Chapter by Tim Griffith

Tony tells us a little bit about himself, in his own dark way.

Darkness. Black. Death. Its all I see. Every day and every night, its all I see. Why? I couldn't tell you why even if I wanted to. Okay. Maybe I could, I mean, if I really tried. Now lets see what I can remember... Now, I have to warn you, this is not a happy, fun, upbeat story. No no no... this a sad, disturbing story... but its all I got.

It must have been 20 or so years ago. I was 14 and I was living in Hansel, Alabama... At least I was supposed to be. I had a tendency of running away every time they found people that loved me. Parents... didn't have them, they abandoned me as a child. Relatives... never knew'em, and never would. So I was stuck in the foster system. Sounds fun right! The past 14 years of my life had consisted of moving from one place to the next because their was never I family that could support me... I mean, they could have if they wanted to... but they rarely ever really wanted me, they just wanted the compensation that came along with me. So I moved... from New Jersey to California to New Mexico to Rhode Island to Arizona and then to Alabama, always knowing I would leave but never knowing how long I would stay. I had friends... I wasn't a loner if that's what your thinking, even though I probably should've been, considering the amount of times I moved. The moving did crush any sense of trust that I could have had though, which explains why I always ran away. But I think it was more than that... I mean... I ran away because I hated it... I hated the fact that my parents didn't want me... I hated the fact that I had to move... and I hated the fact that I had friends that told me they loved me when I didn't even love myself. But Hey, at least I had friends, is what I always told myself. And for all the guys out there, I know what you've been wondering, Did you have any girlfriends?, YES. I had girlfriends... but none who had ever challenged me like she would. Where did I run to? Every where... and no where... it was different for every place I lived. In Arizona, we lived close to the grand canyon so I would go there, in New Jersey, I went to this quiet spot with a waterfall where I would go to think. Regardless of where I went, I had always come back. So why is this time different?, you could be asking. Well... because this time I had something to lose... this time, everything was on the line, and for someone with low self esteem and trust issues, it wasn't about to go well. And it didn't. The end... wait... you want more? OK... I guess I can tell you the story now that I'm done talking about myself... it all started September 5th, otherwise known as the first day of school and the first day of my sophomore year of high school...