Winter Snow

I watched as snow began to poor down, little soft white crystals broke and melted when they hit the car's front window. I always loved winter. It left the world cast in white wonder, preserving the world around us in perfection. It was all so beautiful.

I folded my paws on my lap and continued watching as the snow fell. My breath came out in barely visible puffs as the car started to warm up. I swept my tail over my paws to warm them up.

" . . . Sam . . . ?" a voice called out. "Is everything alright? You’ve seemed . . . troubled these past couple days."  

I turned to find the big White Panther staring at me, worry set across his face, his brows tugged down into a frown. His snowy paw started to reach out toward my orange one, as if he was about to clasp it, then retreated back to the steering wheel. He faced forward and paid attention to the road, but occasionally glanced my way.

My cheeks flushed red with embarrassment, tail tip flicking about. I stared at him for a couple seconds, and then looked away, my vulpine ears pulled back to my skull.

"Yes," I lied. "Everything is fine. I've . . . just been busy with studying, that's all." My blush reddened as Jason looked back at me; he didn't seem to believe my lie, but didn't push any further on the matter.

"I just worry about you, you know?" he said.

Now my cheeks felt like they were on fire when he said that. Jason had been my best friend for a long time. We have always been there for each other for years, through the thick and thin. I don't know what I would've done or been when my parents kicked me out when I came out to them. He helped pick me up when I thought my whole world had crumbled around me. He didn't care that I was gay�"a f****t; a queer.

Just thinking of him holding me tightly back then, telling me that everything would be alright made my eyes teary.

A hot jet of air burst through the car's air ducks distracted me when Jason turned the heat to full blast. "Oh, thank god!" I said shoving my freezing paws against the vent. "Mmm . . . heat . . ."

Jason chuckled and I giggled back. I can be so silly sometimes. I guess that's why we're such good friends.

"Goof," Jason grinned.

I bumped his shoulder across the car. "You know it," I said.

In a happy mood, I turned on the radio and quietly listened to the music and went back to staring outside, a smile on my muzzle.

At some point my mind must have wondered off by the gentle hum of the engine and the soft strum of acoustics and tapping of piano keys, because I noticed that the car had started to slow down to a crawl and then a full stop.

"Hey, we're here," Jason said as he un-buckled his belt and started to open his door.

"Ok," I murmured.

Once outside, I pulled my jacket close to me at the sudden chill and pulled my hood up. I went to the back of the car and started walking with the big white cat as we made our way to the entrance of the movie theater.

Unfortunately we had to park at the end of the parking lot because it was packed. S**t . . . it's so damn cold outside. I may like how beautiful winter makes everything, but the cold weather is just killer.

Jason draped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer, and without thinking about it I wrapped my arm around his waist, shielding my eyes away from the falling snow.

I looked up see if I had gone too far. But Jason just looked down at me and smiled.

My heart melted into the cold night air. Oh Jason, how can I tell you that I . . . never mind. I dismissed the thought and just enjoyed the feeling of him holding me close for warmth.

Jason and I hurried into the movie theater, sighing happily at the swarm of heat as we entered the building. We both rubbed our paws together to warm them up more and headed for the ticket booth.

Jason put his paw on my shoulder and said, "Here's my wallet; go buy our tickets as I head to bathroom." He handed me an old brown leather wallet.

I shook my head and handed the wallet back. "No. You always pay for the movie tickets I want to pay for them this time," I said.  

Jason frowned down at me. "It's my treat."

I shook my head again. "You always treat me." I smiled at him and put my paw on his arm. "Please . . . let me pay for us this time."

The big cat looked down at me and looked uncertain, scratching the back of his head. He finally sighed and said ok.

I smiled and bumped him. "If you want, you can pay for a drink and some popcorn for us."

"Sure!" he grinned. "Sounds like a plan." He took his wallet back and ambled toward the men's restroom.

I stood there a few seconds, staring at the direction he disappeared and chuckled. It's kind of funny, but sweet how nice he is toward me. I sighed and walked to the ticket booth. There was a young mongoose behind the stand, typing away on a computer. She looked up at me and smiled.

"Hello sir," she said. "How can I help you?"

I smiled back and said, "Hi. Two tickets for The Rose 3."

"Sure!" She nodded and started typing away on the computer again, the keys clicked as her claws struck away in rapid session. In like two seconds a set of tickets popped out. She handed them to me and said, "Here you go. Enjoy the show."

I said thanks and waved goodbye. I sat down on a bench near the bathroom and waited for Jason to get out. Letting my mind wonder, I thought about the things that were going on in my life.

"You ready?" Jason asked, breaking me from my own little world.

I nodded and followed him to the concessions stand. We ordered a medium drink and small popcorn, and then made our way to the theater. The theater was pretty much empty except for the few furs I saw sprawled across the area. We picked a row of seats near a ledge so we could rest our feet on it.

Jason grabbed a small pawful of popcorn and popped it into his muzzle, then made a disgusted noise and rushed to drink some of the soda. "Ugh," he groaned. "They put way to much butter and salt on this. My maw is drying up just thinking about having some more of that popcorn. Ew . . ."

I giggled and tried some myself, thinking he was just over exaggerating. Oh. My. God . . . My fur bristled at the overpowering taste.

I sighed and put the nasty over-salted popcorn down. "And this is why I never get theater popcorn."

"Yeah, no kidding," Jason agreed.

I licked the buttered salt off my fingers, shivering at the taste as we waiting for the movie to start.

"Hey, Sam?" Jason asked.

"Yes?" I replied.

"How do you think you did on that history exam?"

"Good . . . I think. I hope I did well. I crammed for that damn thing for a week."

"I know the feeling. My brain is totally fried from all that studying."

"You and me both," I giggled.

We talked some more about collage and what's been going on in each other's lives before the movie started. The lights slowly dimmed down and the movie began, filling the room with silence.

Halfway through the movie I looked at Jason to see if he was still awake and to my surprise, he was; I didn't expect him to still be up. This made me smile. I'm kind of a sucker for these medieval/renaissance love movies. Something about them just makes me happy. I don't know how Jason could stand to watch them with me though.

He is such a good friend to tolerate my movie taste.

Jason reached over to grab our drink the same time I did and our fingers brushed. This made me shiver, my tail bristling as a spark ran down my spine. I looked away and blushed.

"Opps! I'm sorry, go ahead," he said, his face turning red under his ashen fur.

My tail whipped back and forth happily as I took a sip, blushing even harder under my russet fur.

"Thank," I murmured.

"You're welcome . . ." He looked away from me, still blushing red, ears pulled back. His tail would flicker about, brushing against mine.

I pulled my tail onto my lap and started kneading it nervously.

He excused himself to go to the bathroom and started walking away.

I half rose from my seat, paw extended out. "I'm sorry," I said, worried I had made Jason uncomfortable.

He looked down at me and smiled. "It's ok," he said. "It's not your fault. I just had too much soda that I have to go the bathroom. Honestly, you're fine. Go sit and watch the movie and I'll be right back. I promise." He smiled again.

"Um . . . ok . . ." I mumbled and sat back down, facing the screen. But I couldn't sit still. I kept squirming around in my chair, worrying I might have upset Jason. S**t! Why do I have to be so f*****g gay?! That's probably why he ran away, 'cause I'm just too queer. I guess I deserve it though�"even my own family didn't want me anymore because I was gay.

Sighing, I tried to pay attention to the movie, believing that Jason would be back as he promised, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. My mind was racked with too much worry that I couldn't pay attention.

Why do the people I love keep leaving me? And against my own will, I started to cry silently. Maybe Jason would be better off without me . . .

This made me cry even more.

"Sam?!" Jason whispered, his voice ebbed with concern.

I looked up in surprise. "Jason?" I croaked.

Jason rushed over silently. "Are you ok?!"

I nodded and wiped the tears away. "I'm good. This scene is just so sad . . ." I lied. Looking up, I saw the main character crying over his lost love. S**t . . . that was just lucky.

"Okay . . ." Jason trailed off and sat back down, his ropy tail trashing about.

We sat there in silence for the rest of the movie, occasionally taking sips of our drink until it was gone. By the time the movie ended, the air between us was thick with awkwardness.

On our way out, the feline rested his paw on my shoulder and asked, "Are you sure you're ok?"

I nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. "Yes, I'm fine." I replied.

He nodded and dropped his paw.

I groaned and hung my head, lost in thought. What was I going to do? Jason has been nothing but good to me, and I feel like dirt for caring about him more than I should, and with the whole gay thing.

I mentally kicked myself. Stupid, stupid fox . . .

The icy chill outside brought me back to the real world. I might have gotten run over for not paying attention.

I hopped into the car and kept silent on the way to Jason's house. Occasionally I would glance over to see how Jason was doing, but I couldn't read his stoic expression. But his eyes said everything. They were gentle and caring, and sincere as he was lost in thought.

I stretched out and looked over to Jason, cocking my head. "What you thinking about?" I asked.

He jumped a little when I spoke, seemingly bringing him out of his thoughts. "Oh, I was just thinking about that night your parent's kicked you out," he said. "Your parents are dicks."

"Yeah . . ." I trailed off, feeling very uncomfortable.

"So . . ." Jason said, changing the subject. "What'd you think of the movie? Did you like it?"

"Yeah, I loved it." I grinned. "But I'm pissed about how the movie ended. They better make another one with a better ending or so help me God; they will be getting a very angry letter from me." I grumbled to myself, crossing my arms.

"Ha!" Jason chuckled. "I'm sure they will just to please you. Silly fox . . ." He reached over and hugged me, then ruffled my headfur.

"Hey!" I yelled, swatting his paw away. "Don't do that! I'm not a cub!" I glowered and patted my fur back down.

"Said the fox that's going to write a very angry letter for hating the way people ended a movie," he teased. He reached over and poked my tummy and busting out laughing when he made me giggle.

I glared, growling. "I. Hate. You," I said.

"Please . . . you love me." He poked again and winked.

My fur bristled when he said that.

"I was joking . . ." he apologized when he saw my face.

"Stupid cat." I stuck my tongue out.

He looked down hard at me with one eye. "Careful . . . it's a long walk back home."

I gasped." You wouldn't dare."

Jason shrugged. "I don't know. This fox I know is being awfully mean to me. I just might."

I held my paws together and gave him my best puppy dog eyes. "Please don't, sir," I whimpered.

"Oh, alright!" he laughed.

"Good! Or else you would have gotten the water works." I whipped away a single tear and held it up to him.

"Oh god . . ." He groaned and reached over, and gave me another hug.

The car ride back to Jason's place was pleasantly quite except for the radio and soft chugging of the engine. We were both happy and didn't really want to break the silence. I rested my muzzle on my paws and listened to the pulsing bass that filled the car, my tail lazily wagging behind me.

"You know," Jason said, breaking the silence. "You really are a something."

This made me smile. "Thank you. So are you."

"You're very welcome."

In a short time we reached the panther's house, pulling into the garage. I hopped out of the car and headed inside, holding the door open for the muscular cat. I hung up my coat and followed Jason into the family room where his mom and dad resided on one of the couches that occupied the space.

Mrs. Dove looked up and smiled. "Hello boys," she said. "How was the movie? Did you guys eat yet?"

"The movie was great, Mom. No haven't eaten yet."

Mrs. Dove nodded. "Ok, dear. Well, there's pizza in the fridge if you guys are hungry."

"Thanks Mom!" Jason hurried to the kitchen to get the pizza.

I smiled and said hello to Mr. and Mrs. Dove, then chased after Jason.

With plates full of pizza in our paws and a soda can, we ran upstairs to Jason's room, placing the food and drinks on the bed.

I grabbed my drink and took a sip, sitting at the foot of Jason's bed.

Jason shuffled around his room picking things up and put them away. "Hey, sorry for the mess," he apologized.

"It's ok," I smiled, then reached under me and held up what I hoped were a clean pair of boxers. "Missing this?" I showed him the garment hooked on my finger. I giggled when Jason blushed crimson under his fur and snatched the underwear from my paw.

"Th-th-thank . . ." Jason stuttered, blushing harder as he tossed the garment into his closet. "And don't touch my underwear."

I frowned. "Don't leave it lying around," I shot back.

Jason rolled his eyes. "Fine."

I pointed a finger at him. "Hey! You don't see my leaving my underwear around when you're at my apartment," I stated.

His ears went down and he sighed. "True."

I looked at him and smiled. "I still love you though."

Jason grinned back, ears perked.

"Toss me that can would you please," he asked. He caught it in mid air and took a sip. His lacrosse practice must really be paying off from his catch. It'd better; I've been practicing with him so much that he'd be able to get a ball without ease.

I pulled up to the center of the bed, resting against the bed’s headrest and took another sip of my drink, loosing myself in my thoughts, but soon pulled myself from my thoughts before Jason noticed.

After we finished off our slices of pizza and first cans of soda, Jason popped in a movie and we laid down on the bed, muzzles resting on our paws.

It was nice laying here with the white panther, laughing at the funny part, tails wagging and brushing against each other. It made me happy, that these are the moments I looked forward to. It makes my life almost seem normal. I didn't' have to deal with my hateful parents, because I knew there was someone here that actually cared about me�"excluding his caring parents.  

At some point I think I might have dosed off a little because Jason's mother came in and wished us a good night and told us not to stay up too late.

"Ok Mom, love you," Jason said.

"Goodnight Sam," Mrs. Dove said.

I smiled. "Night!"

Jason and I killed off our last soda can and finished the movie before heading to bed. I excused myself to use the restroom and when I returned Jason had pulled out his sleeping bag, already in his boxers. This made my blush deep red under my already red fur. I tried not to look down at the slight bulge of his sheath against the fabric.

This made me blush even harder, so I rushed into the sleeping bag. I stripped down to my boxers as well, but left my shirt on. I snuggled into the warm bag and rested my head on the pillow Jason had given me.

Jason clicked his nightstand light off and wished me a good night. I said the same thing back and soon I could hear his soft snoring. But I couldn't seem to fall asleep that fast; I just laid there, staring at the dark ceiling.

Sighing to myself, I turned around and tried to fall asleep, and at some point I did because the lasting thing I remember is the listening to Jason's cute snoring . . . .

 

"Sam!" Jason's voice called. "Sam, wake up! Please!"

I felt a pair of strong paws shaking me roughly awake. What . . . ? What was going on?

"Wake up!" Jason shouted.

I felt an even rougher shake and that jolted me from my sleep. Rubbing sleep from my eyes I stared up Jason, confused. "What are you doing? I was asleep," I asked.

Jason fell back and stared at me with wide eyes, his face contorted, exasperated. "Are you kidding me . . . ? You were sobbing in your sleep for Christ sake!" He rubbed his eyes and sighed, his ears down. He looked at little pissed, but about what I don't know.

Raising a paw to my eyes, I felt my fur was damp. "Oh . . ." I mumbled.

"Don't scare me like that! I was so worried I nearly had a heart attack." His voice shuttered and was raspy. "What the hell were you dreaming about?"

I vaguely remembered what I had dreamed about. "Well . . ." I started to say, pausing for a second or two. "It involved . . . you."

Jason eyes widened a little more and then softened, ears perked.  

Well . . . it's now or never. "It was just flashes of you and me�"happy memories. But soon everything faded to darkness and I felt so alone; that you left me after you found out the truth . . ."

I got up and started moving toward the door, fresher tears started to fall, my emotions going out of control. "I'm sorry," I croaked, throat swelling with a big knot lodged deep inside. "I just . . . I just can't do this."

Jason got up and his fingers lightly gripped my wrist. "Sam . . ."

S**t! I turned around and stared into his beautiful eyes. "I love you, ok?! I always have," I shouted. Everything had started to crash down on me like the raging sea. My body shook with waves of emotions: relief, worry, anger, hatred toward myself and the whole situation.   

"The f*****g f****t loves you!" I yanked my wrist away and turned. I just couldn't face him. I expected the blows to start�"for him to start beating the s**t out of me and call me a fur f*g.  

His paw touched my shoulder and I flinched. He was actually doing to beat me up. But his paws slid down and wrapped around my chest, pulling me against his bare body. He rested his muzzle on my shoulder; I could feel his breath on my heated skin. "Shhh . . . it's ok," he whispered to me. He turned me around and held me against him. I couldn't hold back anymore, and soon my eyes started to flood with tears as I pressed my face against his chest, sobbing harder.

He brought his fingers under my chin and lifted my muzzle. "Hey, look at me," he whispered softly.

I opened my eyes and saw his looking into mine gently; his gaze was filled with warmth�"or maybe sympathy.  

"Sam," he said. "I love you."

Three little words�"words I'd been hoping to hear my whole life�"made my heart break.

"I love you with all my heart�"I have for 2 years now. Protecting you was the only thing that mattered to me. I don't know what I would have done it I lost you. I don't think I could have bared the world at all if you weren't here with me. You're the only one I care about and always will."

I just stood there, speechless. "I-I-I don't know what to say . . ."

He grinned gently. "How about I love you?"

"I love you," I said instantly.

Jason brought his muzzle down, and I could feels his breath on the my nose and the fur around my muzzle. His lips softly mashed against mine. His kiss was sweet and passionate.

My head reeled at the awesome sensation of his kiss. I brought my arms around his neck and pulled him more into the kiss as both his paws rested on my muzzle. I can't believe I'm actually doing it . . . kissing the cat I've dreamed about for forever.  

His tail came around and intertwined around me, and soon his tongue slipped into my maw, resting against my own tongue.

I broke away from the kiss as it took my breath away and nuzzled the hallow of his neck. The kiss, everything, about him reminded me of winter. How winter can have a harsh exterior but under that can be something so beautiful . . . The harsh winds like his ripped muscles can be gentle, raising the snow in a white flurry. Those strong arms were wrapped around my fragile body. Jason is as wonderful and beautiful as winter snow itself. He is my white panther now and always will be, my very own winter in my arms.  

The wind rocked the window, covering the ground with snow, and a single snowflake landed on the window, making me smile as winter will always be here for me . . . .