Fear of Fear Itself

I think this is a question all we perfectionists ask ourselves..... That we won’t measure up to every-one's expectations, that our work won’t be good enough. Fearing the fact that we can’t be perfect.

I’m lying on my bed soaking my pillow with tears,

trying to remember exactly what is my fear.

Is it the passing of time or the love that I lack?

The  mistakes that I've made or that I can't take them back?

What is it that I'm afraid of?  Why am I so scared?

Is it the fact that all my friends back then  never cared?

Is it the people I've hurt or the people that hurt me?

Am I afraid of everything I can’t seem to see?

Is it the love of a friend, or the loss of family?

Is it the chance that my life can end in a tragedy?

Is it the vivid sun that sets but won't seem to rise?

Is it the hope that I have that always seems to die?

Is it the trust of a person that I cannot  grasp?

Is it all the memories of my well hidden  past?

Is it me?

Is  the thing I fear most of all- the thing I can't be?

The things that I try to understand but do so bad?

The me that I always try to be  when I'm feeling sad?

The person I'm supposed to be? Is that what I fear?

Is it the talking behind my back saying I’m queer?

Or the fact that all my friends-with me they disagree?

I think that the thing that I fear most of all . . .is me