Excerpt from Proposal Paper

This was the beginning of a paper I wrote in English last semester. My paper was about the heartbreak of suicide. I wanted to introduce the reader in the beginning into the mind of someone suffering.

It’s late now and it’s starting to get dark outside. It’s time to go to bed, but you don’t want to, you know it’s going to be another long night. Lying in bed, staring at the moon lit ceiling you listen to the wind blow outside.  Branches scratch the side of the house and animals are silenced by their slumber. You get close to closing your eyes when you feel a darkness creeping up on you.  Suddenly, falling asleep is impossible. With eyes wide open, your mind starts playing you a movie. All the times you were humiliated, called names, or made fun of flash by. They don’t know what it did to you, but you are scarred. All the friends you lost over the years pop into your mind and start tormenting you, mocking you. These are your demons telling you you’re not good enough. Years of hate and sadness built up over time consuming you in one night. You are reminded of everything that has ever hurt you. You don’t have any friends, no one close to turn to, your family doesn’t understand you, and you’re alone.  It’s yet another night when you have to face your pain on your own. You’re suffering and you don’t know why. You think it’s not fair as tears start streaming down your face. Why can’t you be happy? Why do you have to suffer through this endless torture? It’s quiet in the house but you need to find a release. You frantically open your dresser drawer and find what you need. Why do you do this? Why does this pain feel so good? Blood boils up to the surface of your skin. Finally, you can breath but the tears don’t stop. You’re tired of constantly fighting. You’re exhausted from acting like you’re ok. You’re sick of staying strong. You’re done with being a burden to everyone you love.  You’re done with being invisible to everyone else. It’s time to end all the torment for good. You will take care of this. You’re ready to make peace with yourself and the world.  Your demons tell you to do it. They tell you no one will miss you. They tell you everyone will be better off with you gone and you agree. You can’t believe the thoughts are racing through your mind. All you can think of is suicide. With tears pouring down your face, you tell yourself this is it.  This is your final goodbye. 

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think this is really moving...and well written..but for full effect, i would change it to first person...that way the reader would identify more with it and become one with the speaker.

jacob

[Tierra Starr]

Yes, i have also thought this would be better. I'm going to rewrite this and see how it looks :) Thank you for your input.