cephalalgia

work in progress.

every word that crosses my subconscious leads me right back to where i started, through acidic twists and turns in my memories and back to those crucial moments that brought this all about.
i try and fail and try again to cover my tracks, to get back up to speed but the fact is
im corrupted to the core, those same damn thoughts have taken me where i never wanted to be
and for that i blame you. everything i was before you was real, everything before you was justifiable.
now that the f*****g flood of events that swept me up has receded, i'm left with nothing,
scattered debris of my once-'noble' hopes and expectations. i find myself resenting even the lies of the beginning, for that was where i met my fall. the one time my instincts kicked in and i felt it,
that feeling deep in your guts that tells you something is not as it should be, i misread it so horribly that it ended up being my undoing. the warzone i was left with was riddled with bullshit, headaches and rash decisions that i know not how to justify, and stark reminders that i am but an animal with more refined thoughts and actions. now that i've come this far from it, looking back is not as painful as it once was; of course, those first soft memories i will hold close,
far from the barbed ones of late; i must continue to remind myself how i remain standing.

Author's Note

this is a first draft