Chapter 1

Tell me what you think! :)

Chapter 1

 

September 14, 2011

 

     In a foreign language only spoken by the most elite known as the messengers of God, the beautiful entities spoke. “Ezekien, did you receive your orders?” “Yes sir, I did.” Alastor nodded and continued, “And you understand the boundaries of which you cannot breach?” “Yes sir, I do.” Alastor smiled mockingly, “Then why is it I feel you do not?” He didn't look him in the eye. “You do know what happens to those whom disobey the Higher Powers orders, do you not?” Ezekien held his head higher and nodded with a stern, “Yes sir, I do.” Alastor turned away slightly rolling his eyes at his uniformity. “I am in charge of you; therefore your successions are mine.” Facing him again with a colder expression, Alastor persisted, “And your faults? Also mine.” He walked towards Ezekien placing two palms on his shoulders with a small amount of plea and demand in his voice he lectured, “Do not disappoint me Ezekien. Do not do as the others have before you.” He nodded and turned toward the gate to do as he was ordered. Stepping out of the gate a light flashed before he found himself hidden in plain sight at a funeral. At least a hundred feet away at all times he watched as the service underwent. Excitement coursed through him at the thought of actually having an order from the Higher Power. He would not get distracted by anything humane or of no importance such as that. He had an agenda. A mission, if you will. Focusing so hard on the schema he hadn't noticed how much time had passed. There were only two people left now. These were the two he was meant to bond together. Leaping undetectably to the nearest tree branch to get a closer look he reached into his pocket to retrieve the sphere. The sphere was a device used by every messenger no matter what their duties were. Dazzling and every color ever created, even those not visible to humans, were in swirls on this circular spindle, always in motion. It glowed when an angel had it in hand. Death angels used it in order to help a soul find its way from this world to the next. Christening angels use it to give every baby its first breath. Love angels, like he, were in charge on guiding a person’s heart into the right direction. He held out the orb and watched it spin colorfully in the air above his palm, stretching out a silver light to the blonde male touching his heart and slipping into the female’s chest as well. Now that was finished, it was time for hers. He threw the orb into the air and focused hard on it before hearing a sad wail come from the girl. Distracted for a second, he looked away and the orb slipped from his grasp and hit earth’s soil. Fluttering down to get the globe back silently, he felt a strong tug when he heard another whine from the lass. Excruciating pain fell on him and he dropped to his knees. Why must she cry? Why must she feel this agony? Ezekien felt an unbelievable amount of anguish and jealousy as he watched the male comfort her, the way he now wished he could. Unaware of the law he had broken he stood an adoring 98 feet away from where they stood.

Author's Note

Tell me what you think! :) Also curious, do you guys prefer writing/reading third person vs. first person? What about past tense vs. present tense? I write easier in past tense but I'm reading a Techniques of the Selling Writer and it says past is a good way to bore the reader (because its more so saying something already happened as opposed to present tense being more 'in the moment' for readers). Tell me your opinion!

Reviews

[Shawn]

A very interesting read, as always! A few grammar mistakes, which I'm going to ignore unless you want otherwise. I liked the way you used the phrase "higher power" instead of a fixed religious name. This way, you can show this writing to all religions without offending them. Clever you.

The concepts in this story are really interesting, especially the whole 'sphere' subject. I loved this piece, and look forward to the next chapter! Keep me posted

[Tiffany Thomas]

Thank you! :3 and as far as grammar goes, it doesn't bother me lol I have grammarly for that BUT if you ever see a problem with dialogue or if you get confused then yes please let me know! I'm really glad you liked it :) I started writing this book when I was 12, can you believe it? I know how it is going to end and have written 2/3 of the book but just never got around to finishing it... I need to but I'm very wrapped up with my Falloch story so until I finish that story I'm probably not going to finish this one. I'll keep posting chapters that I've written from the book (I have about 260ish pages so far) and wil most definitely keep you posted! :) Thank you again!!!

[MEMBERTOMAS]

i can not wait for the next piece plz show it to me before anyone else