Saving The Innocent

A Story by tiajam

Dark story of delusion and pain.

Saving The Innocent

I love them, little faces, little smiles, my little babies. I'm sitting here and I'm watching as they play and talk and laugh. It's like I'm watching a perfect movie, I watch as they move in slow motion and I can see every little motion and the beauty that they hold and radiate with every word and every laugh. I want them to live like this forever, they don't have worries or demons or any of the evil thoughts that cross my mind every day, they don’t have any of the dark and delightful thoughts that mix in my head like its being whisked at a hundred miles per hour and then it stops. And it curdles and I'm left with the pain and the sickness that won't leave me. But I love them and I want to watch this movie forever.

I'm already dead.

This isn't a life, "baby" I call for my little girl Rachel to come join me on the garden swing, she skips over her dress floating in the air like ripples in a capillary wave and I play the image on repeat. Rewind and play, rewind and play. And then I grab her in my arms. Squeezing her tightly, I never want to let go. She is my baby and I want to hold her in this moment, "sweet baby" I sing the words like a lullaby the words in time with us as I rock her in my arms over and over again.

I turn her head so I can see her beautiful smiling face staring lovingly back at me but when I look there is a tear, streaking her pale cheek like snail slime across a beautiful painting. It ruins it! "What's wrong my little princess?" I look into her dark beautiful eyes and I don't want anything else to ruin her. She was pure, like water, the purity of water the glistening clean pure water that flows and heals. I have to heal her; the water will heal her. Make her pure but quick, the tears rolling down her face, a harsh flame burning and distorting the perfect image. Water. I need to take her to the water, to put the fire out and heal her purify her once again. “Come with me, baby.” I shuffle quickly through the grass, leading her towards the lake where she can return, where my beautiful baby can return and escape the curse that has taken hold of her, that is burning through her innocence so rapidly and she can be pure again and she won’t ever leave again, nothing will ever take her from me again and she will never hurt like I do. Her little shoes protecting her feet from the mud and the grass as her feet glide through it rag dolling her limbs through the air beautifully lost she soars behind me.
Within seconds I have carried her to the lake and I'm smiling at her but the tears are ruining the picture and its flame is burning a hole in the image, its impermanence showing. Her face, it’s not the same its corrupting and it has to change it has to be perfect I want it to stay perfect forever. It has to be perfect. Splash, and her face is submerged in the sweet shimmering water, sparkling as it sloshes around her head and her hair is floating like a mermaid as the water washes away her tears and her fears and stops them from ever returning from ever taking her away from me. And it's quite.

I role her head softly in the palms of my hands her soft cheeks so pale and pure as they lie in my gentle embrace. Her precious glistening eyes that will never blink again, I will never have to go another second without seeing the beauty of her irises, piercing with colour staring back at me, filled with love and purity. Lying her down beside the lake to rest her beautiful and lifeless body is calm and protected. A permanent image of beauty, an immortal face of purity.

"Boys, boys" I hush my gorgeous sons as I see them hovering over their sister and I can see that the curse has left her and now entered them. The tears that once burned her beautifulness now crossing their faces, tire marks on a freshly dried road. Every tear that falls to his cheeks then roll down his face I rub away with my thumb hoping to preserve the image of purity for longer, my thumb pressing harder and harder on his cheek. "My sweet little boy, your cheeks have gone red." The rosy red cheeks glowing in the sun and shimmering now as I have lead him under the water spread through his whole face as he curse is leaving him and slowly lightens and the ripples of peace and nature as the water does as it should. As the water glistens over his face and the ripples even out there are bubbles, the bubbles that are rising and expelling the curse.

The curse that is taking them away from me with every day and every new experience, it makes them change and their little pure faces turn to large dark creatures that are dangerous and haunting. And they cry and they scream. “Mum it wants to hurt me, mummy help me… mummy, mummy answer me please.” And they cry and they scream. “mummy don’t do this again, daddy will be back soon, everything’s ok, please.” And the noise it never stops. But it's gone.

And they are here, and they are quiet.