Longing

I have no clue what the name of this poem should be

Down

Down

Down

                To the ground I go

                As you use your deadly force

Drip

Drip

Drip

                 As I stare at your face

                 The blood leaves mine

Crunch

Crunch

Crunch

                  That’s the sound of my bones breaking              

                   As you punish me with your strength

Help

Help

Help

                 I scream praying someone would come

                 But no one ever did

Stop

Stop

Stop    

                I look in your eyes and beg

                But that’s just making you madder

Stop moving

Stop moving

Stop moving

                         I think to myself

                         Maybe if I play dead he will stop

Dream

Dream

Dream

                Out cold I was

                As you were punishing me

Awake

Awake

Awake

                Where am I?

               … Alive… at home… in hell

Damn

Damn

Damn

              This time I didn’t die

               I bet next time I will

             

 

 

Author's Note

trust me i know this poem is really stupid nor does it make sense but whatever. Dont be to harsh

Reviews

[Caradoc]

I would suggest maybe; 'Cycle of Tears', 'Longing', or 'Is This the End' for possible titles.

No it isn't stupid. It's actually very sad and ugly. The poem is well written and I like the style that you use. It flows downward, pulling the reader with it, immersing them in the story as much as the words themselves. This is a familiar tale, of someone, a child, a spouse, being abused by someone at home who should really be protecting and cherishing them. The narrator's longing for death, release from the cycle of abuse is heartbreaking. Using first person pov drives the story of this poem home.

The most chilling lines are; " I look in your eyes and beg, but that’s just making you madder."

They put the viewer in the shoes of the attacker and I find that very disturbing, as I am not the sort of person who could abuse another so. The thought of someone actually begging me to stop hurting them is sickening. So yea, lots of emotion in this piece. You did a good job.

Be well.

-Caradoc

[Robbie~xoxo~]

I feel the nightmare come to life. It has a dark pull down to the core of the nightmare.. Thank goodness you woke up... whew! great write!

[Aly Jones]

It's so sad what's happening to them.

[KAREN]

It makes sense. It sounds to me like a poor person living in a bad home life. Felt the pain and emotion.

[roy mccarthy]

i think it's a cool write,
def a nightmare!
takes the reader on a downward spiral of a ride!

[TWISTED NIGHTMARE]

this poem is not stupid it is really good...you pretty much just laid out her reality and made it a dream...only thing was she was already in hell

[Raven Starhawk]

Sounds like a dream I had once but I dare not drudge up the ill mention of that topic...^^* Anyway this was a write that touched off my inner sentiments. You penned this well.

[Nishant Gupta]

ur poem is really nice write, do have a look to mine "QUEST OF LIFE"-
" it is about how one neglects his life ,pondering about this precious gift of nature unnecessarily ".

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

I find this poem very chilling, the way it builds up the emotion with te repetition and the word 'crunch' for me was real powerful.... and the ending very apt, haunting and superb!!!